All times are central. Now streaming on Discord! Invite All films are open to friends of the channel only. Which is likely you if you're here. No mice and no snitches. The channel and all shows are 18+ regardless of the rating. Don't not be 18+ or you will be banned.

Nov 25th

   10:00pm | The Substance (2024) | R |
02:21:00 Alrighty, let's try this again! I don't know about you guys, but it was pretty hard not to run out and see the rest of this thing after we only got through a quarter of it. So far, so gross! Do be advised that this has nudity and body horror to the fullest extent of an R rating (I wonder what was left on the editing room floor like so much demi moore...) Not available on Twitch! We're going to Discord, where the censors can't ban us! *looks around* They can't ban us on discord, right? Doesn't matter! I'm here to fight for your right to have and watch boobs!
Starring: Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, Dennis Quaid

Nov 19th

   10:00pm | Twisters (2024) | PG-13 |
I don't know how much weather technology has changed in the last 28 years since the original, but it has to be like, A LOT, right? Kids probably don't realize this, but I remember the days when we literally couldn't predict the weather. That was an actual saying. Like meteorologists were nothing short of local news psuedo-science charlatans smiling in front of a green screen and giving you their best guess for maybe later today and tomorrow. Now we can accurately predict weeks ahead when a warm front carrying the smoke from wildfires in Oregon will reach Chicago down to the minute. Anyway, I don't know when that happened exactly but it's pretty neat. This is about tornados.
Starring: Daisy Edgar-Jones, Glen Powell, Anthony Ramos, Branddon Perea, Maura Tierney

Nov 18th

   11:00pm | Bad Boys: Ride or Die (2024) | R |
It's Bad Boys, they do cop stuff in Miami. I think it's safe to assume this is similiar to the previous entries, just with not so much boys, and very much aging men. These guys are gonna have to join the expendables franchise soon.
Starring: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Vanessa Hudgens, Alexander Ludwig

Nov 17th

   11:00pm | Don't Breath (2016) | R |
Home invasion night! A blind veteran guy supposedly has a bunch of money some low-lifes wanna steal, so they plan to break into his house, only to find he's not as invalid as they thought. Why would a blind vet have money? Are these idiots morons? You'll have to watch to find out! It's a twisty thriller, that's for sure!
Starring: Stephen Lang, Jane Levy, Dylan Minnette, Daniel Zovatto

Nov 12th

   10:00pm | OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies (2006) | R |
A French James Bond comedy sendup, OSS 117 goes around fightin' nazis, bedding ladies, and for some reason running a chicken farm in this one? The period work in this is pretty impressive, really looks like a movie made in the 70s taking place in the 50s, but this is actually from 2006. Or maybe France is just running 30 years behind on film stock and fashion. That can't be right. Franch is still the world leader in fashion, right? In any case, you don't have to be an expert in Bond films to appreciate this parody, but it does have lots of fun inside nuggets!
Starring: Francois Damiens, Jean Dujardin, Khalid Maadour, Youssef Hamid

Nov 11th

   11:00pm | Oddity (2024) | R |
I found this recent horror movie about Irish ghosts with a pretty great rating. So I think we should give it a go. Here's the thing about Irish ghosts, they're stuck on an island. And everyone knows ghosts can't swim (they'd be constantly phasing, and it just freaks them out), so they're like super territorial and there's only room for so many, with infighting and politics and whatnot... they really need to come together culturally like Japanese ghosts, which are also island-bound, but that place is just lousy with the things, cuz culturally they are bonded. I am not a ghost psychologist.
Starring: Carolyn Bracken, Johnny French, Steve Wall, Joe Rooney, Gwilym Lee

Nov 10th

   11:00pm | Nightcrawler (2014) | R |
Back to noir-thriller Sunday! The protagonist of this one, played by Gyllenhaal, is a pretty trashy low-life. It's no surprise he is drawn to work in opportunistic crime-scene photography. I mean, what's one step below paparazzi, right? He's good at it, and well, starts to get a little too good, and a little too close. It's like when I take the trash out and there's a squirrel sitting on the dumpster. And he looks at me, and I look at him... and I take a step closer, and he ponders whether the trash he's holding is worth it... and I take another step, and he puts his front paws down... another step, and he FREAKS OUT, and then his unseen squirrel friends inside the dumpter FREAK OUT, and all hell breaks loose, squirrels poppin' outta dumpster holes like fireworks, running for dear life in all directions... and I'm just shaking my head like, "Jesus Christ, guys we do this every day, for fucks sake."
Anyway, this is a good movie.
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Rene Russo, Bill Paxton, Riz Ahmed

Nov 4th

   10:00pm | The Campaign (2012) | R |
Two congressional candidates battle each other, one involved in a scandal (no matter what it is, it wouldn't be one today) and the other backed by evil billionaires. I've never seen this, but I'm gonna guess it is surprisingly tame, considering the talent involved, compared to today's reality... simpler times, 2012... simpler times... goddammit why'd they kill that fucking gorilla??
Starring: Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, Jason Sudeikis, Dylan McDermott

Nov 3rd

   11:00pm | Highway to Hell (1991) | R |
It's time for our annual viewing of the most important film starring all the Stillers and a Lowe! Future vampire slayer Kristy Swanson is kidnapped by a Hellcop because her and her not-Rob-Lowe boyfriend couldn't follow some simple instructions from a desert harbinger. Are you with me here? Also, if I up and go off grid, take a look at rundown Nevada diners in the middle of nowhere, cuz Ben Stiller's character as the mad-at-the-world, gross cook yelling at the sky seems like the most legitimate career path for me at this point.
Starring: Patrick Bergin, Adam Storke, Chad Lowe, Kristy Swanson, Richard Farnsworth, Gilbert Gottfried, The Stillers, Lita Ford

Oct 18th

   12:00am | Frankenhooker (1990) | R |
"A medical student sets out to recreate his decapitated fiancée by building her a new body made of Manhattan street prostitutes." Sometimes the IMDB synopsis just gets it right in a way that I can't top. This is as advertised, but somehow so much better and more fun than you ever imagined! It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: James Lorinz, Joanne Ritchie, Patty Mullen

Oct 15th

   10:30pm | Afflicted (2011), Grave Encounters (2011) | R |
Found Footage Night! Now I know FF is not everyone's bag, so I've handpicked the two absolute best of the genre! It actually makes sense "why do they keep filming", and they are genuinely spooky. I can't say much about the first, cuz it's a nice surprise. Grave Encounters starts like any ghost hunting show, but starts going off the rails and never looks back. It's a spooky Twofer Twosday!
Starring: Cliff Prowse, Derek Lee, Benjamin Wilkinson, Sean Rogerson, Ashleigh Gryzko, Merwin Mondesir

Oct 14th

   12:00am | The Stuff (1995) | R |
A horror classic from Larry Cohen's deft hands, this is an absolute showcase of 80s neon decor and gross-out special effects. It's a comedy, but it's not without some great body horror. You can think of it as an allegory of addiction... if you wanna be a downer. Or you can choose, like me, to see it as a social commentary on the effects of mass production and consumption of junk foo- okay that's not very fun either... Your Monday Monster is Capitalism!
Starring: Michael Moriarty, Paul Sorvino, Scott Bloom, Andrea Marcovicci

Oct 13th

   12:30am | The Cabin in the Woods (2012) | R |
It's a cabin in the woods. But it's also so much more! And then somehow even MORE! You know what I'm talking about if you've seen this. And if you haven't, where have you been? This is one of my all-timers, and a perfect Halloween classic. And remember, never bet on mermaids...
Starring: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford

Oct 11th

   12:30am | The People Under the Stairs (1991) | R |
It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!! And this wall-poppin', incest-laden, jump-trope-scarin', cult classic will be sure to satiate/gross you the fuck out sufficiently. It's like Home Alone, but really more of a comedy than that horror masterpiece. Ving Rhames, you're doing everything you can, and I mean that. You're doing EVERYTHING YOU CAN. This movie rules. Did I mention they're in the walls... cuz they're not just under the stairs..
Starring: Brandon Quintin Adams, Everitt McGill, Wendy Robie, AJ Langer, Ving Rhames

Oct 8th

   11:00pm | What We Do in the Shadows (2014) | R |
I'm sure some of you are familiar with the recently renewed show, well here's the movie that started it all. A mockumentary about the daily lives of a handful of vampire roommates. That's a nest. I know that from Supernatural. You can't go in there alone, Dean!! It's hilarious, and perfectly spooky fun.
Starring: Jemaine Clement, Taika Waititi, Jonny Brugh, Stu Rutherford

Oct 7th

   11:00pm | Ready or Not (2019) | R |
This is one of my favorites of the last few years. It's incredible. What I didn't realize is that the team behind this is also responsible for BOTH of the recent Scream sequels, bafflingly named just "Scream" and then "Scream 6", released like six months from each other. Also Abigail, which I personally thought could have been much better. I don't know who the X-factor was that made this so amazing (besides Samara Weaving who is great obvio), but they gotta get that spice back in the mix. I'll just leave it at this - R. Christopher Murphy seems to have not gotten a writing credit on those newer ones... so if you're reading this Olpin, Gillett, and Busick, and I know you are, maybe give Chris a call?
Anyway, bride meets her in-laws, they're... not chill.
Starring: Samara Weaving, Adam Brody, Mark O'Brien, Henry Czerny, Andie MacDowell

Oct 6th

   10:30pm | Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell / Talk to Me (1995/2022) | R |
There's no through-line here, they're just two awesome movies. This first one (as if the title doesn't tell you everything you need to know) is short and sweet and also known as "the Japanese Evil Dead", a moniker which you'd think would belong to the Japanese 80s horror Evil Dead Trap, but that one actually shares nothing in common with the Sam Raimi classics. Am I confusing you? Well talk to the hand, cuz it's fucking demonic. I know sayings. Seriously, our second, slightly more polished spook is one of the actual scariest I've seen in years!
Starring: Shinichi Fukazawa, Masaaki Kai, Ari McCarthy, Hamish Phillips, Sunny Johnson, Sophie Wilde

Oct 4th

   10:30pm | Demon Knight of the Demons (1995/1988) | R |
The Mausoleum Master has curated a special demonic double feature for this Friday Night Midnight Movie! Demon Knight is a fun Tales from the Crypt feature film rarity. Then we have Night of the Demons, which... if you know, then you know. It's somethin. It's fuckin' awesome, but it's somethin... Hail 1988!

Starring: Billy Zane, William Sadler, Jada Pinkett Smith, Brenda Bakke, Thomas Haden Church, Cathy Podewell, Alvin Alexis, Linnea Quigley, Allison Barron

Oct 1st

   10:30pm | Beetlejuice (1988) | PG |
Kicking off 2024 Halloween Horror Nights! This one's to just ease you scardies into the season. And of course since the sequel just came out... that I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN! Dammit, I need to get back to the ol'cinema house. Where I can just buy a ticket with cash at the counter and wander into a theatre and sit where ever I like and- what? assigned seating? i have to use the app? WTF IS HAPPENING? Do they at least still sell over-priced junk food served by wage-slave teens high off their asses? Oh thank god.
Let the Spoopy Season Begin!
Starring: Michael Keaton, Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis, Winona Ryder

Sep 24th

   10:30pm | Tombstone (1993) | R |
Somewhat true story, at least from the accounts of it that we have. Wyatt Earp hopes to retire in Tombstone, AZ after cleaning up Dodge City. But soon his plans are disrupted by some outlaws, leading to the famous shootout at the O.K. Corral. It's one of the best modern westerns with some of the finest performances ever from these dudes. Dudes in hats. Dudes in hats shootin' other dudes in hats.
Starring: Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, Sam Elliott, Bill Paxton, Michael Biehn, Powers Booth

Sep 23rd

   11:00pm | Romeo Must Die (2000) | R |
When they're full-ass grown adults in the titular roles, I'm not so sure the story of Romeo and Juliet works quite so well... I mean them being dumb, hormonal teens is kind of a big part of it, but whatever. Li and Aaliyah are in love and their families are at war, and somebody killed Romeo's brother, and X gon' give it to ya. Boom. It's Martial Arts Monday, this time with "Gun Fu"!
Starring: Jet Li, Aaliyah, Delroy Lindo, Terry Chen, Anthony Anderson, DMX

Sep 22nd

   10:30pm | Good Will Hunting (1997) | R |
Will Hunting is a janitor at his local community college, something called MIT, never heard of it. Thing is, he's actually smrter than all the people there, but like... super un-ambitious. And his dum-dum best friend is like, "Bro, Bro, Ya gotta go do the smrt stuff. Also, go saux!" And it's very touching and less cynical than I'm making it sound. Performances are amazing that launched Ben and Matt into stardom. But also, go saux.
Starring: Matt Damon, Robin Williams, Ben Affleck, Stellan Skarsgard, Minnie Driver

Sep 16th

   11:00pm | Wheels on Meals (1984) | TV-14 |
I think this was a Tabba redeem from way back. Anyways, it's Martial Arts Monday, and we've got Jackie Chan flippin' around doin' stunts and whatnot. They're running a food truck and have to protect a pretty lady pickpocket. It takes place in Spain, but this is a very 80s HK movie. Directed by Sammo Hung, you know these stunts are gonna be fun and wacky and possibly food-based!
Starring: Jackie Chan, Sammo Kam-Bo Hung, Biao Yuen, Lola Forner

Sep 15th

   11:00pm | I Origins (2014) | R |
Is this Noir Sunday? I actually don't quite know. This is a mystery-thriller, but any cursory glances at what it's about tell me nothing really. And I am steadfast in my right to show you guys movies that I basically just picked up at the video store without even reading the description on the box cover. You don't like it, pick out your own damn movies! Seriously... there's a redeem for that. Plz halp.
Starring: Michael Pitt, Steven Yeun, Astrid Berges-Frisbey, Brit Marling

Sep 13th

   11:00pm | Jason X (2001) | R |
Hooooo Baby! This is a BAD movie! Hey, no one ever said it was gonna be a GOOD movie, so it has that going for it. Jason in space. Yeah. That's what this is. So sit your tiny ass down and watch Jason kill some teenagers in space. Is that so much to ask? I don't think so. It's the Friday the 13th Midnight Movieeeee!!
Starring: Kane Hodder, Lexa Doig, Jeff Geddis, David Cronenberg, Markus Parilo

Sep 9th

   11:00pm | Longlegs (2024) | R |
Now I don't know what sort of a monster Longlegs is cuz I've somehow avoided all spoilers for this one so far, but I'm pretty sure he's some sort of alien spider with the head of Nicolas Cage like Toy Story Sid's nightmare creation. And that is why Monster Monday is so versatile! One week it's Godzilla, the next is Toy Story or whatever the hell this is! (I'm pretty sure this is toy story..)
Starring: Maika Monroe, Nic Cage, Blair Underwood, Alicia Witt

Sep 8th

   11:00pm | Searching (2018) | PG-13 |
It's Mystery-Thriller Sunday, and I'm totally not trying to reel in all that sweet sweet true crime-type audiences to help pay the bills. You know, it used to be romance novels with Fabio on the cover and talk about "quivering members" on the pages that got all the middle-age women to consume your content. Now they only show up for it-could-happen-to-you fear-mongering and cold-case docu-dramas. Well, ladies, rest assured! Eight out of nine women are abducted and killed at least once in their life, and my sources for this are that I really only watch movies and you shouldn't believe anything I say.
Starring: John Cho, Debra Messing, Michelle La, Joseph Lee

Sep 1st

   11:30pm | Cure (1997) | NR |
For Noir Sunday, I found this psych-thriller from Japan that's supposed to be really great. It kinda gives me Se7en vibes. A serial killer with the apparent ability to hypnotize his victims is getting them to do his killing for him, which they don't remember at all. Yikes! I've never come down on a conclusion if I believe hypnotism is real or not. I've heard you wouldn't do anything you wouldn't do in a normal state though, so running around on a stage in front of hundreds of people thinking I'm an ostrich on fire seems totally fine when I look at the tape.
Starring: Kunio Hagiwara, Koji Yakusho, Anna Nakagawa

Aug 30th

   1:00am | Death Spa (1988) | R |
Sometimes a movie comes along that needs no explanation. We just know right away that it belongs on the big screen on friday night while we make out with our popcorn and possibly try some over-the-shirt stuff. Oh your mom's an aerobics instructor? I totally didn't know that she teaches Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4 at the Jamba Jym next to Cinn-a-Tasty. That's cool, so like, do you have any Culture Club tapes? Also, when's your mom get home? What, I totally love you, babe!
Starring: William Bumiller, Brenda Bakke, Merritt Butrick, Robert Lipton

Aug 27th

   10:30pm | Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011) | PG-13 |
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Thrones. *Dun Dun Dun Daaa Da Dee Dee Dee Dooo* Where are all the dragons dammit?? I dunno, there's probably at least one dragon I bet. Oh hey! Noomi's in this, she has a dragon tattoo! Solved. Next mystery, Mr. Watson. Aw dang, this one's got Moriarty? I hate that dude.
Starring: RDJ, Jude Law, Jared Harris, Rachel McAdams, Noomi Rapace

Aug 25th

   11:30pm | The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016) | R |
I dunno if this fits Noir Sunday, but it's definitely a murder-mystery... among other things. I won't say much else about it cuz damn does it take a twist. I will say this though, no scaredy-cats allowed, this is a legit spooky movie!
Starring: Brian Cox, Emile Hirsch, Olwen Catherine Kelly, Ophelia Lovibond

Aug 23rd

   11:00pm | Fried Barry (2020) | NR |
I have no idea what to say about this one. It looks like something we might watch. It feels like something we might watch. A drug-addled loser gets abducted by aliens and then... I dunno, gets possessed by aliens? Hey, you check enough boxes, you might just be the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Gary Green, Chanelle de Jager, Joey Cramer

Aug 18th

   11:00pm | Mayhem (2017) | R |
Viruses, office work, caring about the well-being of your coworkers... this all seems very pre-covid if you ask me. Oh this was made in 2017? Well, where the hell did it get released? Cuz I haven't heard about it. In any case, I like the people involved, and I expect an entertaining romp about satirical office zombies!
Starring: Steven Yeun, Samara Weaving, Steven Brand Caroline Chikezie, Kerry Fox

Aug 12th

   10:00pm | Sting (2024) | R |
Monster Monday! ... Spider Edition! This is a bad movie with stupid characters doing idiotic things while a rapidly growing, intelligent spider is loose in their apartment. And somehow, as awesome as I just made it sound, this still tries to be a family drama. Like, pick a lane! Gilmore Girls or Kill More Girls! And yes the title is stupid as hell cuz the spider was named Shelob in The Hobbit, the sword was Sting. But the jury's still out on whether that was intentional or idiot.
Starring: Alyla Browne, Jermaine Fowler, Ryan Corr, Noni Hazlehurst

Aug 11th

   11:00pm | Pig (2021) | R |
Seems a little strange maybe to show this for noir Sunday, but I think it fits! I mean, it's a dark mystery about a missing something or other important to the main character... maybe he didn't first meet her smoking a cigarette in his office late one night after he'd just polished off a bottle of jack and had to take another look at the Cassandra file. She'd been missing for weeks. The local suits had discounted her dead, but he knew there was somethin' missing. Some detail he'd overlooked...
Dammit! Now I'm in noir mode! Let's watch Pig, it's awesome.
Starring: Nic Cage, Alex Wolff, Adam Arkin, Cassandra Violet

Aug 9th

   11:30pm | Darkman (1990) | R |
Sam Raimi did a lot for indie cinema in the 80s and 90s. You could even call him a hero of sorts. You could also call Darkman a hero, cuz that's what he is technically, he just wasn't born on a comic book page, but in Raimi's strange ol' head. This bonkers film combines action, comedy, horror, and straight up awful-beautiful 90s CGI to create a wonderful Raimi stew of indie superhero goodness. Fuck yeah, it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Liam Neeson, Frances McDormand, Colin Friels, Larry Drake, Ted Raimi

Aug 6th

   10:30pm | Triangle of Sadness (2022) | R |
This is a satirical dark comedy taking down the super-rich, beautiful, and privileged. A bunch of them are on a luxury yacht cruise when things go wrong, stranding them on a desert island. Fair warning, there is a scene of Problem Child-level vomitation.
Starring: Tobias Thorwid, Charlbi Dean, Woody Harrelson, Harris Dickinson

Aug 5th

   11:00pm | Late Night with the Devil (2023) | R |
A late night talk show with declining ratings decides to put on a hell of a Halloween special with a live exorcism. Nothing could go wrong! I've been wanting to see this for a while! Monday's monster is... The Devil!
Starring: David Dastmalchian, Laura Gordon, Ian Bliss, Fayssal Bazzi, Ingrid Torelli

Aug 4th

   11:00pm | Sherlock Holmes (2009) | PG-13 |
This is a fun Guy Ritchie take on the Sherlock character Don't worry, he's somewhat restraining himself here from full guyritchie-ing, and allows the charisma of RDJ to really pull the film along. What's that? You're upset that RDJ is playing Sherlock? How can he be this famous, fictitious character when he was that other fictitious character?? I don't know what to tell ya. Money? He's an actor? Oh right, it's money.
Starring: RDJ, Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong, Geraldine James, Eddie Marsan

Aug 2nd

   11:00pm | Piranha 3DD (2012) | R |
This is a very, deeeply bad movie. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you. This is bad. And I think you already should know that from the title and the very bad Piranha 3D that we watched a while back. But like that psuedo remake of the 1978 Joe Dante "Piranha," this one also knows not to take itself seriously. And let's be real, seeing Katrina Bowden, Danielle Panabaker, and Ving Rhames in bikinis will help out the viewability factor. It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!!
Starring: Danielle Panabaker, Ving Rhames, David Hasselhoff, Katrina Bowden, David Koechner, Paul Sheer, Christopher Lloyd, Gary Busey

July 29th

   10:00pm | Wishmaster (1997) | R |
Directed by legendary makeup designer Robert Kurtzman, produced by Wes Craven, and featuring horror cameos galore, this aggressively 90s cult classic is full of awesome deaths and ridiculous special effects. I wouldn't say it takes itself seriously, it's more like a movie... playing the straight man in a comedy. Honestly it's fantastic fun, typical monkey's paw stuff. Be careful what you wish for... It's a djinn. The Monday monster is a djinn.
Starring: Andrew Divoff, Tammy Lauren, Angus Scrimm, Robert Englund, Ted Raimi, Verne Troyer

July 28th

   11:00pm | Shutter Island (2010) | R |
Neo Noir mystery from Martin Scorsese delivers on all levels. Atmosphere, characters, story, hidden easter eggs... Even if you've seen this before (and you probably have) it's still good, possibly better on second watch! And it's really creepy too. This is our serious movie this week. Let's get serious!
Starring: Leo, Emily Mortimer, Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley, Max von Sydow, Michelle Williams

July 26th

   11:00pm | The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) | R |
So, this movie was originally intended to be a satire of slashers, but the producers didn't understand that concept, and it ended up being something in between parody and actually trying to be horror. Oh, and it was actually written and directed by women! So the end result is... facinatingly bad and glorious. It's one of the best 80s slasher cult classics. The killer is obvious. The acting is terrible. There's tits and ass every-freakin-where.
Again... this was written by women.
Starring: Michele Michaels, Robin Stille, Debra De Liso, Andree Honore, Gina Smika Hunter

July 23rd

   11:00pm | RED (2010) | PG-13 |
This is like if John Wick were old, and he worked on a team of olds instead of alone, and not a secret society but for the government. Okay maybe the only similarity is that they're retired badasses that have to go back to work. Frank has to get the RED (Retired Extremely Dangerous) squad back together for one last asskicking and some quippy one-liners. It's action-packed fun!
Starring: Bruce Willis, Dame Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, Mary-Louise Parker, Karl Urban

July 22nd

   11:00pm | The Cursed (2021) | NR |
This movie is a pretty brutal werewolf period piece. Not to be confused with the 2005 disaster Cursed... which, holy hell how did that end up being soooo bad? You throw Christina Ricci, Wes Craven, Kevin Williamson, and friggin' WEREWOLVES at me, and even I don't like the movie?? Damn. I'm convinced there's a director's cut of that somewhere that rules. Anyway, this has to do with a Gypsy curse, and an evil land baron, and some silver teeth found in a field, and it's pretty gory!
Starring: Boyd Holbrook, Kelly Reilly, Alistair Petrie, Roxane Duran

July 21st

   11:00pm | Bait (2012) | R |, Shark Night 3D (2011) | PG-13 |
Shark Week continues! With this Australian film about shoppers stuck in a flooding supermarket after a tsunami hits. And guess the fuck what... there are man-eating great whites loose in this place! If it's not the inflation, somethin'll get ya at the grocery store, amiright?? What's Australia's supermarket chain anyway? I'm always facinated by different regions and the way people talk about them as if everyone knows what the "Woolies" is or the "Snatch 'n Grab" or whatever. But the thing is, you always DO know what they're talking about. "I gotta go grab some tangy curly bits at the Piggly Wiggly, you want anything?" "Nah mate, I'm pleasant as is."
Starring: Xavier Samuel, Sharni Vinson, Adrian Pang, Yuwu Qi

July 19th

   11:00pm | Under Paris (2024) | PG-13 |
Did you know France had sharks? Did FRANCE know France has sharks?? Dang, these friggin' things will get anywhere during shark week. And I guess that includes a fresh water river in Europe. Never underestimate the power of cable television PR. This is about... well it's a damn shark loose in France, do I really need to write a synopsis? Let's friggin' go. It's Shark Week! It's the Friday Night Midnight Movieee!!
Starring: Berenice Bejo, Nassim Lyes, Lea Leviant, Sandra Parfait

July 16th

   11:00pm | Beavis and Butt-Head Do the Universe (2022) | PG-13 |
It's everyone's favorite duo, and I don't mean Bradley Cooper and Lady GaGa! That's only about an eight year old reference, still topical right? Beaves and Butts get sentenced to space camp, presumably due to their shenanigans having done America, and get sucked into a black hole to be spit out in modern day. They are no better or smarter for it though, I can assure you that.
Starring: Mike Judge, Gary Cole, Nat Faxon, Chi McBride

July 15th

   11:00pm | Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024) | PG-13 |
Old Ghostbusters team up with the new, young Ghostbusters in this followup to Afterlife. Just please, Gozer, no Lady Ghostbusters... ugh, I'm still cringing to this day! Slimer's here, and there's adorable little Stay Puft dudes, and an ancient god is released who plummets NYC into a new ice age. Geez, just wait a few more years bro, we're already working hard on that.
Starring: Paul Rudd, Finn Wolfhard, Carrie Coon, Mckenna Grace, Kumail Nanjiani, Patton Oswalt, Bill Fuckin Murray, Dan Ackroyd, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts

July 14th

   11:00pm | Boss Level (2021) | R |
So this is kinda like Source Code meets The Hangover or something. A guy trapped in a time loop relives his murder every day and tries to figure out what's happening. Is Hulu making full-ass-fledged movies with real stars? How long has this been going on? When was anyone going to tell me? Meh, they're not getting my money, no matter how much Frank Grillo and Michelle Yeoh they throw at me!
Starring: Frank Grillo, Mel Gibson, Naomi Watts, Michelle Yeoh, Will Sasso, Ken Jeong

July 12th

   11:00pm | Barbarian (2022) | R |
I don't know anything about this movie, because I heard it has a twist, so I haven't researched it at all. A woman's Airbnb experience gets one star I think. I'll tell you what I do know about a Barbarian... they were very attune with nature and proficient in close-combat swordsmanship. What, you were expecting a joke about Arnold? Fair enough, I couldn't think of one.
It's Justin Long in a horror movie! And that makes it the Friday Night Midnight Movieeeee!!
Starring: Georgina Campbell, Bill Skarsgard, Justin Long, Matthew Patrick Davis

July 8th

   11:00pm | Eight Legged Freaks (2002) | PG-13 |
Monster Monday!! Spider Edition! This is a very dumb movie. I mean, it's supposed to be, but like, super dumb. It's a spoof/tribute to B monster movies like Them!, Night of the Lupus, Tremors, and Antz. (I might be wrong about that last one.) You should check it out, it's fun! And I hate to nitpick, but the title is missing a hyphen if you ask me. Oh you're not here for a grammar lesson, you're here for the classic filmmaking? ...I know you're only watching to see Scarlett Johansson get covered in "spider goo". Tsk tsk.
Starring: David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer, Scott Terra, Scarlett Johansson, Doug E. Doug, Rick Overton

July 7th

   11:00pm | Memento (2000) | R |
I recently met someone who doesn't remember what several of their tattoos mean, so I'm not too sure about the believablity here. Usually when I find something new on my body I need to get a referral for it. Listen Doc, I'm not saying this thing is skin cancer, you're not saying this thing is skin cancer, but let's all just pop on down to dermatology for funsies.
This movie's great, and somehow still makes more sense backwards than Tenet does forwards. I don't think I know Christopher Nolan personally, but all I know is I don't trust his lies.
Starring: Guy Pearce, Carrie-Anne Moss, Joey Pants, Mark Boone Junior, Jorja Fox

July 4th

   11:00pm | Uncle Sam (1997) | R |
Happy 4th of July!! As our supreme leaders continue to solidify their places and bank accounts in history and erode the fundamentals of Democracy right before our eyes.... we will continue to be poor and stuff! It's not a great system, but then again nobody is saying it is.. Here's a stupid movie about a dead vet coming back and terrorizing a town for burning the flag. I mean, it's right up our alley.
Starring: William Smith, Shark Fralick, Bo Hopkins

July 1st

   11:00pm | Shin Godzilla (2016) | PG-13 |
Monster Monday! Everyone's favorite city-stomping giant lizard is back in this modern Toho production. There was obviously a desire to do a new reboot after the tragic earthquake and nuclear disaster of 2011, because this one supposedly centers more on the bueraucracy and politics involved in a national, natural(?) emergency. But don't worry, I'm sure there's plenty of smashy smashy too!
Starring: Hiroki Hasegawa, Satomi Ishihara, Yutaka Takenouchi

June 30th

   11:00pm | Abigail (2024) | R |
You know how when you kidnap the ballerina daughter of some powerful mafiosa dudes for ransom, but it turns out she's like a fucking vampire and shit? Yeah, I mean, we've all been there right? It wasn't easy coming up with a Friday Night Midnight Movie made in the last six months, but hey, I think this'll fit! Grab some popcorn and come celebrate the finale of our "countup." This is your 2024!
Starring: Alisha Weir, Melissa Barrera, Dan Stevens, William Catlett, Kathryn Newton, Kevin Durand

June 25th

   10:30pm | Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part 1 (2023) | PG-13 |
Why is every 2023 movie three hours long? Come on guys. I blame Nicole Kidman, welcoming everybody back to the movies, just so they can hold us hostage as we try to parse what exactly, if anything, Scorsese left on the cutting room floor of Flower Moon.
Well, this one clocks in under three, but I think it's trying to set a record for variety in the title. They gotta keep uppin' the ante I guess, and the titles are no exception! Anyway, Tom Cruise rides his motorcycle off a plane or something. I'm sure it'll be great.
Starring: TC, Hayley Atwell, Ving Rhames, Simon Pegg, Rebecca Ferguson, Vanessa Kirby

June 24th

   10:30pm | Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) | R |
This movie will blow your mind right out your pants! It's kind of hard to describe... An immigrant lady who owns a struggling laundromat and has a gradually disconnecting family accidently stumbles upon a tear in the fabric of the universe while at an IRS audit meeting with Jamie Lee Curtis, hurtling her through time and space fluctuations of a multi-verse in which she must fight to save existense. And bagels. Lots of bagel talk. It's awesome! And it's Martial Arts Monday 2022!
Starring: Michelle Yeoh, Stephanie Hsu, JLC, Short Round, James Hong, Tallie Medel, Jenny Slate

June 23rd

   11:00pm | The Suicide Squad (2021) | R |
In a valiant effort to right the wrongs of 2016, this might be the fastest turnaround for a remake ever. And when you've got James Gunn steering the ship, of course he is gonna bring back the only worthwhile element of the first one, Margot Robbie. Actually, I'm not entirely sure if they wrote in some sorta reasoning behind her being in both... Is this technically a remake or a sequel? Who knows. It's definitely not something I could look up before wasting your time. It's 2021, and we can still say suicide!
Starring: Margot Robbie, Idris Elba, John Cena, Viola Davis, Michael Rooker, Jai Courtney

June 21st

   1:00am | Jiu Jitsu (2020) | R |
Ahh, the ancient Japanese art of Jiu Jitsu, elegant and effective in subduing your enemies, who are of course... wait, aliens? Nic Cage is fighting aliens with jiu jitsu, but it's not actually jiu jitsu, they just keep using that wrong? Oh please God, tell me it is long-haired Cage... WOOOOO!! Don't miss this absolute trainwreck. Cuz it's 2020's Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Nic Cage, Alain Moussi, Tommy Walker

June 18th

   11:00pm | Uncut Gems (2019) | R |
The only way I've ever heard this movie described is "stressful", which I don't really understand, so we're gonna find out what that means. Sandler plays an NYC gem-ist...rockologist...jeweler! there it is. He's in debt, probably to the mob and tries to stay alive another day. I've seen Sandler be emotions that embody the film before - silly in Billy Madison, awkward in Punchdrunk Love, confused in Jack and Jill... Now let's see "stressful"!
Starring: Adam Sandler, Julia Fox

June 17th

   11:30pm | Game Night (2018) | R |
A couple and their friends regularly get together for game night (which at least in my experience has been more alcohol-fueled than game-fueled like these folks), but find themselves wrapped up in an irl whodunnit when their friend's brother goes missing. It's a funny mystery! It's Marital Arts Monday 2018!
Starring: Jason Bateman, Rachel McAdams, Kyle Chandler, Sharon Hogan, Jesse Plemons

June 16th

   11:00pm | Father's Day (2011) | 18+ |
Okay, time to take a little break from the yearly countup(?) for a special event! It's Dads and Grads time, that special time of year we know and love. And I've got a special treat in store for all you dads out there. Actually, no... this is for no one. Who am I foolin'? This is one of the most disgusting, gore-tastic, hilarious, and foul exploitation movies you'll ever see. You're gonna love it. From Canadian troupe Astron-6, and produced by Troma, this is roughly about a demon-man going around raping and killing fathers. I'm not gonna get too deep into the plot, cuz... whatever. But this is gonna be your ONLY warning! NSFF.
Starring: Adam Brooks, Conor Sweeney, Matthew Kennedy, Amy Groening, Mackenzie Murdock

June 14th

   11:30pm | The Babysitter (2017) | R |
One of my favorites of the last decade or so, this will be a cult classic someday! It's a great parody of cult-teen... home invasion... horror sub-genres? You just have to see it to understand. Cole has the hots for his hot babysitter. We all do. It's Samara Weaving, we get it, Cole. Turns out though, she along with her coven of hot teen stereotypes are gonna kill your ass. This film is awesome. It's 2017, and it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Samara Weaving, Judah Lewis, Robbie Amell, Hana Mae lee, Bella Thorne, Ken Marino, Leslie Bibb

June 11th

   10:00pm | The Nice Guys (2016) | R |
Shane Black wrote on a bunch of the Lethal Weapons, so he knows his buddy-cop genre. And this is no exception! Crowe and Gosling (hey they're both birds!) make a wonderful anti-team in 70s LA trying to solve the murder of a porn star. I'm not sure what kind of rice angourie is, but certainly don't feed it to these nice guys, am I right, American Humane?
Starring: Russell Crowe, Ryan Gosling, Angourie Rice, Keith David, Margaret Quallley

June 10th

   11:00pm | The Lobster (2015) | R |
This is a strange one, I've heard. A bit of an odd bird. But we've done a few actions in a row, so let's slow it down just a bit in 2015 for an old fashioned Marital Arts Monday. In the future, single people are sent to a hotel for dogs, no that can't be right... The Hotel for single people where they are expected to couple-up within 45 days or they're transformed into an animals and banished to The Woods. Woodland creatures I can understand, sure. But what's this about a lobster? They can't survive in the woods! Now you decide which words I made up and which are actually part of this weird-ass romcom.
Starring: Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz

June 9th

   11:00pm | Edge of Tomorrow (2014) | PG-13 |
I don't know what year this takes place, but we're onto 2014! Tom Cruise is an alien-hunting soldier with a case of the Groundhog Days, and he has to keep reliving his life killing aliens with Emily Blunt by his side. I know, what an awful existense. So he does a bunch of TC runnin' around and shootin' up the place and... wait, have I even seen this movie?
Starring: Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt, Bill Paxton, Brendan Gleeson

June 7th

   11:30pm | Olympus Has Fallen (2013) | R |
Ahhhh the "Fallen" series. One that was never planned, never asked for, and never not awesome. There's just something about Gerry Butler saving imperiled monuments, national capitols, and whatnot by hand and gun that really brings a smile to my face. Throw in some Morgan Freeman sidekick assurance and we got ourselves a blowin'-up-ass action spectacular-athon extravaganza! Also known as the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett

June 3rd

   11:00pm | Dredd (2012) | R |
The year is 2012. The Remake Revolution is in full force. If you're not a superhero movie, you're an unnecessary horror remake nobody asked for and nobody likes. However... One film stands above. One man looks at the remake epidemic in disdain. One man judges them. That man is Judge, Jury, and Executioner. That film is Dredd.
Starring: Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Lena Headey

June 2nd

   11:00pm | Real Steel (2011) | PG-13 |
Despite the title, obvious photoshop action-ed poster, content, and timing of this... you'll be surprised to know it's actually a great movie! No it's not Transformers: Boxing Day or something. Well, it IS kind of Rocky, but with robots... but hey! That's not necessarily a bad thing! All I'm saying is give Peace a chance. No wait, that's the opposite of what I'm saying. Give this jacked-up, violent, robot-on-robot boxing movie a chance!
Starring: Huge Ackman, Evangeline Lilly, Dakota Goyo, Anthony Mackie, Kevin Durand, Hope Davis

May 31st

   12:30am | Piranha 3D (2010) | R |
I don't care what anybody says. In fact there's a couple of really awesome movies from 2010 that people like to poo-poo for no reason I can understand. I guess if you weren't making a superhero movie this year, you were ostracised. Whateva! This movie is fucking great, and it's a totally worthy "sequel" to its cheezy predecessor, the original Joe Dante 1978 film which was also awesome. What you don't need to know, and what neither film will tell you is that piranhas don't actually eat meat... No worries though, it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O'Connell, Richard Dreyfuss, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Eli Roth, Adam Scott

May 28th

   10:30pm | Star Trek (2009) | PG-13 |
New series! Well, new to us. This marked the beginning of the J.J. Abrams era, aka the lens flare era. It's very very good, as with much of anything he lays his beautiful, filthy hands on. This is the Captain Kirk origin story, and one of the handsome Chris's plays the role perfectly, a boisterous and daring, yet loyal to his crew above all young captain making his way in the Federation ranks. But mostly he got the job cuz he's a straight up nepo baby. And Spock is here too.
Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Simon Pegg, Leonard Nimoy, Eric Bana, Bruce Greenwood, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, John Cho, Anton Yelchin

May 27th

   10:00pm | Hot Fuzz, Hot Rod (2008) | R |
It's a 2008 Memorial Day Marathon! Starting with Iron Man, and we'll see from there, cuz how the hell have we not watched this movie yet? Can that be true? Are my notes so bad that I think we've watched the whole MCU except the one that started it all? No, it's the children who are wrong. This is just a rock solid Hollywood blockbuster. Tightly written and perfectly executed by Jon Favreau and co. Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Stark. I can even stand Gwyneth in this. Then we'll see what else 2008 has in store, but this is the defining movie of the year for sure!
Starring: RDJ, Goop, Paul Betts, Terry Howard, Jeff de Bridges, Our Boy Clark Gregg, and more!

May 26th

   10:00pm | Hot Fuzz, Hot Rod (2007) | R |
It's a 2007 Hot Double Feature! "That's hot." Yeah, 2007 Paris Hilton, it is! Shaun of the Dead crew reunites for a buddy-cop comedy all-timer. Then Andy Samberg feels the need... the need to jump over a bunch of stuff on his motorcycle to win the affection of his father. Sure, There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men came out this year... But they'll have to wait untill next time I'm doing this sorta thing, cuz I found two movies with Hot in the title!
Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Bill Nighy, Andy Samberg, Isla Fisher, Ian McShane, Jorma Taccone, Bill Hader, Danny McBride, Sissy Spacek, Will Arnett

May 24th

   11:00pm | Beerfest (2006) | R |
Beerfest is like... the Kickboxer of drinking movies. Some dudes happen upon a centuries-old, traditional, international contest of beer drinking, and they're compelled to compete. ...hang on, I made that sound entirely too serious. Beerfest is about some idiot americans challenging some douchebag europeans to fratboy drinking games like chugging from a boot. That's all really. Except it's fucking hilarious, and brought to you by Broken Lizard, the team behind Super Troopers. Grab a sixer and strap in boys, we're going for gold on the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, Cloris Leachman

May 21st

   10:30pm | Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005) | PG-13 |
I'll never not love this movie. It's just the perfect mix of comedy, action, and sexy sexin'. A ridiculously good-looking couple pretends to have a normal suburban marriage, but each doesn't realize the other is actually a spy. And of course they're separately ordered to take each other out... and not on a date-night. Is it realistic? I doubt it. But it is just about the most fun Hollywood fluff you can ever watch. The chemistry between the leads is real, and that's like not even subjective, this is when they started makin' babies together irl!
Starring: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Adam Brody, Vince Vaughn

May 20th

   10:30pm | The Terminal (2004) | PG-13 |
We're comin' back to the states for 2004! Hanks plays a man stranded at JFK airport, not allowed to enter the country and unable to return to his own. He just... decides to stay in the terminal. This is classic Spielberg with plenty of laughs, emotions, and feel-goodery. The man whose life it's based on actually just recently died, shortly after having returned to the place he made his home for so long. Top-tier performances and direction make this a must see!
Starring: Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Chi McBride, Stanley Tucci, Zoe Saldana, Diego Luna

May 19th

   10:00pm | The Last Samurai (2003) | R |
Japan in the 1870s was a country caught between the ancient and modern eras. Samurai were still very much around, but the Emperor saw which way the wind was blowing and wanted to create a powerful army he could control with modern gunfare. So he and some american dudes hired Tom Cruise's character, a US Civil War Vet, to come train his troops. This is a really good movie with excellent battles, epic bromances, great score, and long-haired dreamy Cruise.
Starring: Tom Cruise, Ken Watanabe, Billy Connolly, William Atherton, Togo Igawa

May 17th

   11:00pm | The Ring (2002) | PG-13 |
We've watched this one before of course, but it won the 2002 committee vote! And if you haven't seen this stellar american remake of the japanese horror masterpiece, well you're a lucky one tonight! A solid choice for the Friday Night Midnight Movie to be sure. The question is... will we be around for the FNMM seven days from now???
Starring: Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson, Brian Cox, David Dorfman, Amber Tamblyn

May 14th

   10:00pm | Blow (2001) | R |
Well, now I'm just doing posters you had on your dorm walls. This 2001 Johnny Depp vehicle takes place mostly in the 70s where his character teams up with the Pablo Escobar cartel to bring that good good booger sugar to America. And boyyy did they. Also don't worry, this is still a great movie despite its one obvious flaw, the glaring lack of coked-up black bears and children.
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Franka Potente, Ray Liotta

May 13th

   10:00pm | Final Destination (2000) | R |
I honestly don't know if I've seen any of the sequels to this classic original. It's a fantastic idea for a series though, just plop in a few of the hot new up-and-comers, write some bonkers death and near-death scenes, rinse and repeat, laugh all the way to the bank! But don't laugh too hard or you'll end up like the weasles in Roger Rabbit. There's no safe path! Death comes for us all!!
Starring: Devon Sawa, Ali Larter, Kerr Smith, Kristen Cloke, Daniel Roebuck, Seann William Scott, Tony Todd

May 12th

   10:00pm | Cruel Intentions | The Blair Witch Project (1999) | R |
HEYOOOO, it's 1999 (in case you haven't noticed the current pattern), and man this was a tough one to decide on! We've watched many of the others already, there are some great period pieces... but I ultimately came down on this double feature that I feel like really captures the feel of '99! So many great films, so little time! But incestuous villainy and indie viral marketing seem like some fun themes to start exploring at the turn of the century.
Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon, Selma Blair, Heather Donahue, Michael C Williams, Joshua Leonard

May 10th

   11:00pm | The Faculty (1998) | R |
This movie has an insane cast, was directed by Robert Rodriguez, and is basically a Twilight Zone episode brought to the vivid, technicolor bigscreen. And yet it was still overshadowed by all the amazing fucking films made in 1998. To be fair, we're talkin' about Saving Private Ryan, Big Lebowski, Truman Show level stuff here, so... understood. BUT there's definitely a place for this cult classic here at the drive-in on the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Jordana Brewster, Clea DuVall, Laura Harris, Salma Hayek, Famke Janssen, Christopher McDonald, Robert Patrick, Usher, Jon Stewart, Elijah Wood

May 7th

   10:00pm | The Game (1997) | R |
The Game. Aside from the fact that you just lost it, this early David Fincher thriller is a mindfuck masterpiece. Douglas plays an extremely wealthy loner that agrees to be a participant in The Game out of either boredom or some sort of misplaced fraternal obligation when his loser brother shows up trying to convince him it'll change his life. In any case, the fuckery begins and does not slow down. This is a banger!
Starring: Michael Douglas, Sean Penn, Deborah Kara Unger, James Rebhorn

May 6th

   10:00pm | Primal Fear (1996) | R |
We haven't watched a good courtroom drama in a while. This is Ed Norton's debut in which he plays an accused murderer of a priest with Richard Gere taking on his defense. It's a taut thriller and even comes with a nice mystery element. Solid performances all around and an especially impressive debut from Norton who was nominated for and won a bunch of best actor awards.
Starring: Richard Gere, Ed Norton, Laura Linney, John Mahoney, Alfre Woodard, Frances McDormand, Terry O'Quinn, Andre Braugher, Maura Tierney

May 5th

   10:00pm | Desperado (1995) | R |
Desperado is a lot like Evil Dead 2, in that it's more or less a remake of the director's first film once he's been given an actual budget and access to some huge Hollywood resources/talent. Also like ED2, it's not exactly a remake, posing kind of as a sequel, but we all know the truth. And that of course, is this is one sexy, sexy movie! I mean, sexy is just pouring out of this movie's bullet hole-riddled body. But just in case things start getting a little too hot and sexy, don't worry, there's plenty of Steve Buscemi talking to Cheech Marin to bookend the sexy sex of the Banderas-Hayak combo.
Starring: Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Joaquim de Almeida, Cheech, Steve Buscemi, Danny Trejo, Quentin Tarantino

May 3rd

   11:00pm | Starship Troopers (1997) | R |
Humans are in a war against giant alien bugs. You need to do your part by watching this movie! It's Paul Verhoeven (Robocop), so it's got all the political and societal commentary you crave with your action-packed, alien bug-killing 90s special effects greatness. A true camp, sci-fi cult classic, it's a wonder this is a premier on the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Casper Van Dien, Denise Richards, Dina Meyer, Jake Busey, NPH, Clancy Brown

Apr 30th

   10:00pm | National Treasure (2004) | PG |
Nicolas Cage as a cross between Indiana Jones and whatever Tom Hanks' name was in The DaVinci Code. He's gotta find the Lost Constitution or some kinda map is on the Constitution that leads to the Treasure or something. It's been a while since I've seen it. But it's good ol' fashioned, treasure-huntin' fun for the whole family! Cage Factor: 6/10.
Starring: Nic Cage, Diane Kruger, Justin Bartha, Sean Bean, Jon Voight, Harvey Keitel, Christopher Plummer

Apr 29th

   10:00pm | Master and Commander (2003) | PG-13 |
It's Maritime Arts Monday! I've actually never seen this one. I hear it's good. Some drunken English sailors pursue a bunch of drunken French sailors around the coasts of South America. Pirate stuff, I'm assuming just without the supernatural element of Jack Sparrow and Co. Billy Boy'd I like to sail around the world, but the Sea, she is a cruel mistress. Actually, I'm scared of the open water. I'm scared of lakes I can see across. You know what, I don't even like a bubble bath cuz I can't see what's under there...
Starring: Russell Crowe, Paul Bettany, Billy Boyd, James D'Arcy

Apr 28th

   10:00pm | The Dark and the Wicked (2020) | NR |
This is an indie farmhouse horror. Is that a genre? Sure, I'll allow it. An old farm-man (you know like a guy who lives and works on a farm, they should have a name for that..) is dying and his family comes to spend his final days with him. But things may not be as they seem on this farm-man's farmland. Moody mystery with perhaps a little spookernatural twist!
Starring: Marin Ireland, Michael Abbot Jr., Juile Oliver-Touchstone, Lenn Andrews

Apr 26th

   11:00pm | Psycho Goreman (2020) | NR |
A brother and sister unearth an amulet that allows them to control the ancient alien creature they also unwittingly unleashed, pitting him against the other aliens that manage to make their way through (and if cinema has taught me anything, probably some neighborhood bullies as well.) Are we gonna burn through Steven Kostanski's entire catalogue? You better believe it! Cuz the man's a hero, and this is perfect for the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Matthew Ninaber, Nita-Josee Hanna, Owen Myre, Steven Vlahos, Adam Brooks

Apr 23rd

   10:00pm | The Spine of Night (2021), It Comes at Night (2017) | R |
It's Night Night! Twofer Double Night Feature! This first one is an adult animation in the style of Heavy Metal, Fire & Ice, etc. It's a violent, magic-and-swordplay fantasy adventure in rotoscope/hand-drawn. Never heard of it before, apparently it took over ten years to complete.
Then we have a recommendation I got that may be pretty good and just suffer from a bad title, because by all accounts, it is nothing. Nothing comes at night. But we'll give it a go, for Joel Edgerton if nothing else!
Starring: Richard E. Grant, Lucy Lawless, Patton Oswalt, Joe Manganiello, Larry Fessenden, Joel Edgerton, Cristopher Abbott, Carmen Ejogo, Riley Keough

Apr 22nd

   11:00pm | Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (2022) | PG-13 |
Music Monday! Is this a bio-pic? Or some sort of strange conglomeration of truth and fantasy and just Al making shit up again? I dunno! It's probably some kind of parody-legal version of his own life. Did he ask himself if he could parody his life? Cuz that's one of his things... It's not the first time he's made a psuedo-biopic of himself! In any case, should be fun!
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Diedrich Bader, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Rainn Wilson

Apr 19th

   11:00pm | Dead Silence (2007) | R |, Goosebumps (2015) | PG |
Friday Night Midnight Movie... Puppet Night!! You know what's scarier than puppets? Fucking nothing. They have no good intentions whatsoever. Their "masters," when they can control them, are equally creepy. NOBODY likes a puppet! Except Jeff Dunham, who is actually pretty funny in a "stereotypes are fine and I'm fine with this cuz I'm at home on Thanksgiving and it's the only thing on cable TV that I can find" sorta way.
Starring: Ryan Kwanten, Amber Valletta, Donnie Wahlberg

Apr 16th

   11:00pm | V/H/S/85 (2023) | TV-MA |
The Tuesday Night Midnight Movie?? These are found footage horror anthology movies that are sometimes pretty good, sometimes pretty bad. The segments within run a pretty wide range too. 85 is the latest and supposed to have a decent wrap-around story with some 80s inspired horror and sci-fi segments.
Starring: Kelli Garner, Freddy Rodriguez, James Ransone, Jordan Belfi

Apr 15th

   10:00pm | Pirates: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) | PG-13 |
Ghosts and pirates and swashbuckling pirates and ghosts. You know the story. Captain Salazar is back and trying to kill Jack Sparrow in the latest of the series. This is the last one we haven't watched, but I think they'll make more. It's a pretty foolproof model and Johnny Depp still seems to be having fun. It's maritime arts monday!
Starring: Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Javier Bardem, Orlando Bloom, Brenton Thwaites, Kaya Scodelario

Apr 14th

   10:00pm | Knowing (2009) | PG-13 |
This is a disaster movie by Alex Proyas with Nic Cage running around doing Nic Cage stuff. He knows the thing. And he's gotta use that knowing to prevent the thing. But is knowing enough to know others about the thing?? It's pretty fun! I know because of my knowing that I've seen Knowing. Also it's leftover from my eclipse movies haul from last week.
Starring: Nic Cage, Chandler Canterbury, Rose Byrne, Lara Robinson

Apr 12th

   11:00pm | Leprechaun Returns (2018) | R |
We're not too far off our St. Patty's Lepre-thon, and since I somehow didn't know that this... thing happened... we gotta give it a go! Apparently Warwick Davis turned down the role for reasons about not wanting his kids to see him in a horror movie, which is kinda strange cuz the other movies don't just stop existing, but whatever, you gotta respect a person's decisions when it comes to their kids. So anyway, Lep is loose on a weirdly woodsy sorority house... It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!!
Starring: Linden Porco, Taylor Spreitler, Pepi Sonuga, Sai Bennett, Mark Holton

Apr 9th

   9:30pm | Hunger Games: Mockingjay 1 & 2 (2014) | PG-13 |
Katniss and all her hot friends are back and ready to take down this oppressive regime! At least that's what I think is happening. I also think she has wings in this one, so maybe don't count on my YA action novel knowledge. I just know I liked the last one we watched..
Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Woody Harrelson, Donald Sutherland, Philip Seymour Hoffman

Apr 8th

   10:00pm | Moon (2009), Sunshine (2007) | R |
Happy Eclipse Day! I hope everyone enjoyed it safely and didn't ruin your phone's cameras as I saw so many people trying to do. I've got a helluva double feature for those big, beautiful peepers of yours if you've still got 'em. Moon is something of a one-man show that Sam Rockwell easily carries for a solid sci-fi mystery. And Sunshine, directed by Danny Boyle, is an action movie akin to Armageddon where we gotta blow up the Sun (you heard me) which at some point morphs into more 2001... It's great!
Starring: Sam Rockwell, Kevin Spacey, Dominique McElligott, Kaya Scodelario, Cillian Murphy, Rose Byrne, Chris Evans, Cliff Curtis, Mark Strong, Michelle Yeoh

Apr 7th

   10:00pm | The Man from Earth (2007) | NR |
Interview-style mystery about a man who comes out to his colleagues as a time traveler at his retirement party. Is he serious? Or is this some sorta retirement prank? Like they say, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. I, for one, am taking this Man at face value. What's it gonna hurt anyway, it's not like he's coming back in to work on Monday.
Starring: David Lee Smith, Tony Todd, John Billingsley, Alexis Thorpe, Richard Riehle

Apr 5th

   11:00pm | The Void (2016) | NR |
Gillespie and Kostanski, the writer/director team of this sorta branched out on their own to make a more serious sci-fi flick than their previous outings. Don't get me wrong, they come complete with their practical effects background, sparing us none of the inter-dimensional, bloody, tentacle, lovecraftian goodness that comes with an isolated hospital surrounded by a death cult and hosting an evil stargate in its basement. Basically what I'm saying is it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Aaron Poole, Kenneth Welsh, Ellen Wong, Kathleen Munroe

Apr 2nd

   11:00pm | Logan (2017) | R |
It's been a long time since we visited the X-Men series, but according to my list, this is where we left off after Apocalypse. If we've already watched this one, well, we're watching it again cuz it's awesome. Wolvy is old and in the future where mutants are almost extinct, and a little girl wolvy finds him and is like, "are you my dad?" And Huge Ackman is all, "no, go away i'm busy brooding." But then she's like an awesome fighter and he's like, "hmmm i'm still not ur dad but you can hang out i guess." It's slightly better than my recap.
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Dafne Keen, Boyd Holbrook, Stephen Merchant

Apr 1st

   10:00pm | Deep Blue Sea (1999) | R |
Only the best shark movie ever made! Well, there's that other one too I guess, but this one's pretty great. I wouldn't play Eat Pray Love, guys, come on!
Starring: Thomas Jane, Saffron Burrows, Sam Jackson, Michael Rapaport, LL Cool J