Mar 31st

   9:00pm | Ocean's Eleven (2001) Is this the best heist movie of all time? It's not the first, that's of course The Great Train Robbery, but I'd say it's responsible for the modern heist style. Soderbergh's split screen and wipe-editing combined with an ensemble cast of particularly skilled characters, fancy suits, double and triple twists, and Doot Dooting score paved the way for a slew of sequels as well as countless similar films in the subgenre. Vegas Baby! We're gonna rob three casinos at the same time! All to support Brad Pitt's snacking habit.
Starring: George, Brad, Matt, Julia, Lot's of Others

Mar 30th

   10:00pm | Upload s2e1-3 (2022) We're on to season 2! I dunno what will happen, but you probably do! Cuz Amazon gave you all the eps at once and you couldn't keep your greedy little fingies off 'em! Isn't that right?? No worries! Still should be fun! Clippy, let's go to the Clooouuudd!
Starring: Dead Guy, Live Girl, Live Fiancee, Misc Dead Folk, A.I. Guy, ya know that gang

Mar 29th  

   10:00pm | Candyman (2021) So I thought this was a remake, but I guess it's actually a sequel taking place in the present, gentrified Cabrini Green Chicago neighborhood. Candyman will presumably be ordering free-trade soy lattes from a hipster indie coffee shop where he won't respond until they call his name three times. Will this one have bees?? Cuz I hope this one has bees!
Starring: Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Teyonah Parris, Nathan Stewart-Jarrett

Mar 28th

   9:00pm | I Am Legend (2007) There's just a couple things to remember in order to enjoy this big budget Hollywood one-man show. 1: First of all if you're familiar with the Matheson story, just throw that knowledge right out the window, they're similar in title only and it never really should've been marketed as a retelling of that unsettling horror masterpiece. 2: The monsters are sorta dated CGI, and that's unfortunate, but where they did use FX in a very, I guess.. "effective" way is the eerie shots of a completely desolate NYC. Which, up until 2020 seemed like the most incredible aspect of this post-apocalyptic zombie survival movie...
Starring: Will Smith, Alice Braga

Mar 27th

   9:00pm | Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) Tonight is the biggest night in movies! It's that time when everyone gets jazzed up and heads on down to the most important place to be, because that's right, tonight we're watching Anchorman! Also there's some pompous fashion show out in LA or something. Get on in here for one of the funniest movies of all time! And if you ask me who I'm wearing, I'll tell you straight up, it's Fruit of the Loom long underwear and not much else.
Starring: Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner, Fred Willard, Chris Parnell, Kathryn Hahn

Mar 26th

   9:00pm | Mission: Impossible IV - Ghost Protocol (2011) It's come to my attention that we haven't watched this one. I don't have any idea how that could be the case, it seems like we went on a pretty heavy MI binge recently, but I can't find evidence of us catching this entry. At least we're still going in order though: 6,2,3,1,4. YEP.
Anyway, the team accidentally does a big ol' whoopsie-doodle at the Ruskie big-time building (my original sentence seemed not great in case of possible bots...) and they get "ghosted" by the US government, meaning they've gotta track down bad guy Hendricks all on their own. Also, props to this one's title for just having a grand time with punctuation and variety!
Starring: Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg, Paula Patton, Michael Nyqvist

Mar 25th  

   11:00pm | Dead Snow 2: Rec vs. Dead (2014) It's nazi zombies. It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie. I mean, come on, they're practically made for each other! In some ways this sequel is even better than the first movie, which was a huge success, at least a huge cult success! Do you need to have seen the first nazi zombie movie to appreciate this nazi zombie sequel? Are you even listening? It's friggin' nazi zombies, bruh. Join for fun!!
Starring: Geir Vegar Hoel, Ørjan Gamst, Martin Starr, Jocelyn DeBoer, Ingrid Haas

Mar 24th

   9:00pm | Barton Fink (1991) The Johns and the Coens take this (somewhat overlooked) masterpiece and run with it to places you can't see coming. It's one of my favorites of theirs, and even if a bit darker, it hints at the deadpan comedic genius they'd later bring to O' Brother and Lebowski. In the '40s, a marginally successful New York playwrite moves to LA only to be crushed by Hollywood politics, writer's block, and well... literally a large man, as he tries to write a screenplay about wrestling.
Starring: John Turturro, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Judy Davis, Michael Lerner, Tony Shlhoub, Jon Polito

Mar 23rd

   10:00pm | Upload s1e9-10 (2020) Midweek Movie Break!! Finishing the first season, WOOOP! So hopefully we get some answers about, well, pretty much anything and everything. I am loving this show, but I'm getting like very little in terms of wtf is actually going on with the mystery side of things... Let's see how they wrap it up for us!
Starring: Dead Guy, Dead Guy's Mean Wife Who May Actually Be Redeemable Afterall, Another Dead Guy, Dead B&W Chick, Some Other Dead People, and some disgusting fleshies too of course, gross.

Mar 22nd  

   9:00pm | Planet of the Apes (2001) Tim Burton's remake of the classic monkey movie. It's not exactly a disaster, in fact it's just as good as the original in my opinion, the absolute chonker of a Hollywood budget really peaks out at every opportunity is the biggest thing I think. A lot of style over substance... and Mark Wahlberger standing around looking like a dumb beef patty. But there's a ton of cool visuals, and it's not quite as serious as the somewhat superior series that followed over the next decade.
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, HBC, Tim Roth, MCD, Estella Warren

Mar 21st

   9:00pm | Honeymoon (2014) For this Marital Arts Monday, we take a little stroll in the woods at night as you do on that special occasion after the wedding! Who knows what we'll find... mushrooms, wild garlic, a deer, supernatural ritualistic sacrifices, maybe a cool tree stump, who knows! I haven't seen this one, but I could happily watch Rose Leslie knit a sweater for an hour and a half, so I'm not too worried.
Starring: Rose Leslie, Harry Treadaway, Ben Huber

Mar 20th

   9:00pm | Puss in Boots (2011) Spin-off from the Shrek series about the adorably deviant kitty cat swordsman. A fun and light adventure film starring a bunch of A-listers voicing vibrant animated characters... What? did you think there was gonna be a bunch of immature jokes about the title? It's not that kind of show, guys! And I don't wanna see any of that kind of humor in the chat either! ...we classy as fuck yo.
Starring: Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Zach Galigianakis, BillyBob, Amy Sedaris, et al

Mar 19th

   11:00pm | The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) What is this, the third one? Well, we haven't watched this series at all so that seems like the most reasonable place to start. And since we're running late tonight I'm just gonna guess at the plot... Bourne runs around a major city or two in Europe doing general spy stuff and being ridiculously good at everything, somebody's got his money or he's got somebody's money, and Julia will be a love interest, but Bourne is just too busy and slippery to pin down. Directed by Paul Greengrass, we should be fine!
Starring: Matt Damon, Julia Stiles, Edgar Ramirez, Joan Allen

Mar 18th  

   11:00pm | Strike Commando (1986) It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!! This is a movie from Italian director Bruno Mattei, and if you don't know who that is he's essentially a giant hack... actually so much so that it's kinda his whole thing. He straight up steals the plot, the characters, the visuals.. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he's broken into lots at night and stolen physical property from other movies! So what Strike Commando is NOT (besides an awesome NES game like it should be) is Rambo or Rambo II. What Strike Commando IS is what you'd get if you found Rambo on DVD at the dollar store... pure awesome that is!
Starring: Reb Brown, Christopher Connelly

Mar 17th

   9:00pm | The Boondock Saints (1999) Happy St. Patrick's Day! I was kicking around some less awesome movies, but I've just decided this will go ahead and be a yearly tradition! Two Irish Catholic brothers accidentally kill some mafia thugs and become local Boston heroes, so they naturally decide to keep the party going. Dafoe is the detective on the case wrestling with the morality vs the legality. If you haven't seen this, ohhh boy you're in for a treat! And if you've had too much green beer and stumbled in here by accident, you're welcome too, just know that your teeth and shit are gonna be green tomorrow, cuz that's dumb but it's no cause for alarm. Slaintѐ!
Starring: Willen Dafoe, Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus, David Della Rocco, Billy Connolly

Mar 16th

   10:00pm | Upload s1e6-8 (2020) Midweek Upload Break! Probably gonna finish the first season tonight, we'll see. So dead stud's possible murder looks very murdery by now. What's her face looking into it in the real world got murdered real hard. And what's up with that thing in woods, that's still going on I think?
Starring: Dead Guy, Handler Girl, Dead Marine Friend, Mean Wife

Mar 15th  

   9:00pm | Mannequin Two: On the Move (1991) I love this movie! What the fuck? Where is everybody going? Don't peepoLeave! Everybody get the fuck back in here right now! Aside from the ridiculously adorable Kristy Swanson, this sequel has many things going for it: inane story that's a complete rehash of the first idiotic movie, a soundtrack like we're at a church lock-in, William Ragsdale of TV's everything, 3 dumb German hunks dancing in the street, star wipes, heart wipes... all the wipes! And if you never realized a DustBuster could be used as a kitchen utensil, you're about to up your breakfast prep game, my friends!
Starring: Kristy Swanson, William Ragsdale, Meshach Taylor

Mar 14th

   9:00pm | Big Brother (2018) Martial Arts Monday! This has Ip Man playing an ex-soldier turned school teacher using his punches and kicks to get through to these poor keeds. It's kinda like Dangerous Minds if Michelle Pfeiffer was a highly-trained Chinese man. Also the plot's all over the place. Don't watch it for the plot.
CH w/EN subs
Starring: Donnie Yen, Joe Chen

Mar 12th  

   9:00pm | Taxi 1 & 2 (1998) The Streamer Awards are tonight! Unfortunately I did not get nominated for Best Scuffed Prime Watch Party Channel, despite knowing you all surely voted for me. But there's always next year! Tonight, we have Rillaud's movie redeem! Took a minute to get this DVD from Korea because I didn't want to show a potato without subtitles on youtube. This is a Luc Besson written/produced film series that never really found its way to the US. It's a fast-paced heist and car chase movie that runs all the red lights! Will there be scuff?! I dunno, do award winning streamers usually test stuff out before going live?
Starring: Sammy Naceri, Marion Cotillard, Frédéric Diefenthal

Mar 11th  

   11:00pm | Blacula (1972) Probably the best of the blacksploitation horror genre of the 70s, this one stars William Marshall of deep voicy goodness as a prince turned vampire by Dracula. Then he's in modern LA, so you know how that goes. It's chock fulla ridiculous scenarios, never quite horror, never quite full-on spoof, just a great movie of the time that doesn't take itself too seriously. An absolute classic cult movie, only to be shown as a Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: William Marshall, Vonetta McGee, Denise Nicholas, Thalmus Rasulala

Mar 10th

   9:00pm | Oculus (2013) Okay, this is not one of the write-off horror movies of the last decade like so many it resembles from the boxart. This is a fantastic piece of horror from director Mike Flanagan, and it might be the first time I've had the opportunity to show any of his... wait, maybe we watched Absentia during HHN2020? This one is awesome though, atmospheric cinematography, story-driven, and jump-scare laden, it's a treat for all horror fans! Beware the mirror!
Starring: Karen Gillan, Brenton Thwaites, Katee Sackhoff, Annalise Basso

Mar 9th

   9:00pm | Upload s1e3-5 (2020) Midweek Movie Break!! We're gonna watch some more Upload, a show about dead people living their best lives! Literally, like money buys you an afterlife in the metaverse. I just can't help but think of the digital slums I'm gonna be stuck in... Ya know what, just throw me in the trash.
Starring: Robbie Amell, Andy Allo, Allegra Edwards

Mar 8th  

   9:00pm | Gone in 60 Seconds (2000) This slick blockbuster remake shares very little in terms of style with H.B. Halicki's 1974 ultra low budget crashterpiece original. But in terms of plot, they're both about equally paper thin. A master car thief has to steal 50 rare cars in one night to pay his dumb brother's debt and save his life. But wait there's more! Well, not really, there's some fun character actors and Angelina doin' hot Angelina things for not enough of the movie. Mostly it's a sick car show, but not like the ones on TV on Sunday afternoon that inexplicably out-boring everything else on Sunday afternoon TV. Also, Angelina's blonde, I dunno if that's important..
Starring: Nic Cage, Angelina, Giovanni, Scott Caan, Timothy Olyphant, Chi McBride, Robert Duvall, Vinnie Jones

Mar 7th

   9:00pm | The Protégé (2021) This néo noir véngéance thrillér is about a lady assassin going aftér hér méntor's killér. It's like Léon/The Professional séquel with grown up... wait, didn't wé watch that? Yéah, that was Colombiana... Hmmm. Wéll this is Maggie Q, so I'm positivé shé doés énough héad-kicking for this Martial Arts Monday. Also, Robért Patrick. I méan, théré's always a place for RobPat at the tablé!
Starring: Maggié Q, Sam Jackson, Michaél Kéaton, Robért Patrick

Mar 6th

   9:00pm | Liar Liar (1997) This movie is hilarious, even if a bit corny. Carrey is a big shot lawyer who lacks empathy and doesn't have time for his family. His insufferable-child-actor son makes a birthday wish and according to the rules of movie magic, it renders Dad unable to lie for 24 hours. Lessons are learned... Elwes are vanquished... and Maura Tierney gets another letter from her biggest fan complete with a lock of my hair. She's gonna write back soon, probably just busy reading all my NewsRadio fanfic, I could've re-written only a couple eps, but I'm a completionist.
Starring: Jim Carrey, Maura Tierney, Cary Elwes

Mar 5th

   9:00pm | 13 Assassins (2010) This is an epic samurai movie. And I mean that in every sense you're thinking. It is kind of a love letter to/continuation of Kurosawa and especially of Seven Samurai, but it's not like we haven't had those before, the thing about this is... it's from Takashi Miike. And I don't know about you, but when I get a letter from Miike, I strap on my big boy diapers and get ready for some intense shit. Yes, there's a lotta samurai killing each other. Yes, there's seppuku. Yes, there's a fucking great story anchoring it all. No, you can't have a katana. Okay, fine but you're sitting two rows ahead of the rest of us.
JP w/EN sub
Starring: Koji Yakusho, Takayuki Yamada, Yusuke Iseya, Ikki Sawamura

Mar 4th  

   11:00pm | Porky's (1981) A group of guys in Florida has some hijinks, mainly trying to get their buddy laid and get revenge on a dirty club owner. Made in the 80s and takes place in the 50s, so it's a pretty strange vibe, but this movie is the original that inspired the mainstream teen sex comedy, like your American Pies and whatnot. Lewd, crude, and fulla nudes... It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Dan Monahan, Mark Herrier, Kim Cattrall, Kaki Hunter

Mar 3rd

   9:00pm | God Bless America (2011) Terminally ill Frank teams up with sassy teen Roxy on a murder spree road trip lampooning the state of american society and especially pop culture, the idiot reality stars, racists, etc. Bobcat Goldthwait directs this kinda Natural Born Killers without the acid trip photography and much less career rep to lose on the line than Oliver Stone. Unfortunately, the ten years since this movie don't seem to have listened at all.
Starring: Joel Murray, Tara Lynne Barr

Mar 2nd

   9:00pm | Upload e1-2 (2020) Midweek Movie Break! I wanna try this series out. I don't know a single person in it, but supposedly produced by Greg Daniels so hopefully it's funny. A guy gets his consciousness uploaded into a virtual world after he dies. Sounds like a rich people thing to me. So I'm guessing like a Lawnmower Man/The Good Place mashup? Oh I hope the graphics are as good as Lawnmower Man!
Starring: Robbie Amell, Andy Allo, Allegra Edwards

Mar 1st  

   9:00pm | Stepfather II: Make Room for Daddy (1989) There's a few things we need to address here... If you haven't seen the first one, you should if you get the chance cuz it's great, but that's not gonna stop you from enjoying this very nice sequel. Basically in the first he gets all stabbed and thrown outta windows and stuff and survives, kinda like a Michael Myers but with more allowance docking and telling you to put on more clothes before going out. Yes this is the long-Lost Terry O'Quinn movie you never knew about. There's also hot-as-hell Meg Foster and a wee Jonathon Brandis. That's about it! What's that? I didn't address the subtitle of this at all? Ohhh ran outta space!
Starring: Terry O'Quinn, Meg Foster, Jonathon Brandis