June 30th
11:00pm | Big Trouble in Little China (1986) | PG-13 |
If I actually tried to come up with the most bonkers action-adventure b-movie i could possibly fathom, I still couldn't come close to this absolute masterpiece of insane cinema. Not only does long-haul trucker Kurt Russell have to battle underground chinatown kung-fu masters and a straight up sorcerer, but somehow John Carpenter directed this? It's one of the funnest movies ever, and that's not hyperbole. I can't imagine a single person involved in making this art or even seeing it not having just the most wonderful time. It's that good. It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!!
Starring: Kurt Russell, Kim Cattrall, Dennis Dun, James Hong, Victor Wong, Kate Burton, Donald Li Carter Wong
June 27th
9:30pm | The Avengers: Infinity War (2018) | PG-13 |
Oh boy, we've come to a big time in our Marvel journey. There's no way an ensemble this big with a concept so high should ever work. And yet... this is one of the greatest action movies of all time. It's pretty incredible how it all came together here. You may be asking yourself, "Funk, when will we get back to the simpler days of a singular God among Men saving the world or just his borough from impending doom?" And to that I say, NEVER! Well, that's not exactly true, there's only one more of these crazy all-star games after this one. AND THEN we can finally do the one you've been waiting for, Green Lantern, right?
Starring: Everyone. Not even just all the Marvel stars, I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY's in this.
June 26th
10:00pm | Rocky IV (1985) | PG |
We're in full-on propaganda mode now, boys! While this is an awesome film in its own right, it veers off dramatically in tone from earlier in the series. Rather than the focus of individual career ups-and-downs and the emphasis of family and neighborhood life, Rocky is sort of thrust into the position of national hero where he must carry the weight of the country. Ivan Drago, a soviet boxer, punches Apollo to death, and of course Rocky has to come out of retirement to avenge his friend and also win the Cold War, I think? Still, for all the flag-waving, the boxing in this one is extremely well-done and pretty brutal. And we might just sneak in a montage or two for a treat!
Starring: Rocky, Mrs. Rocky, Uncle Rocky, Apollo Rocky, Russian Rocky, James Brown (the Godfather of Rocky)
June 25th
10:00pm | Kiki's Delivery Service (1989) | G |
Kiki is a young witch ready to move out on her own. She has to learn the ropes of living in an ambiguous European city while delivering baked goods and making friends along the way. She has a black cat familiar named Jiji she talks to and meets a nice boy named Tombo. It's a cute coming-of-age story without huge mechs or dire circumstances, just relax and enjoy the fun!
Starring: Minami Takayama, Rei Sakuma, Kappei Yamaguchi
June 23rd
11:00pm | Renfield (2023) | R |
Renfield is Dracula's long-time henchman and insane asylum inmate who longs for a life away from his grisly duties to the Master. Nic Cage plays the awesomely over-the-top (and quite scary-looking) Dracular, with Awkwafina and The Fabulous Benny S rounding out the supporting staff. If I ever became a dracula I probably wouldn't have time to procur subordinates. I'd be like a fat kid at an Old Country Buffet, just barrelin' through people and making a thorough mess of the place until an inevitable angry mob of townsfolk took me down once and for all. I have NO self-control as a dracula.
Get ready for blood and guts, and jokes, and stream favorite Nic CAGE! It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Nicolas Cage, Awkwafina, Ben Schwartz, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Brandon Scott Jones
June 18th
9:00pm | The Right Stuff (1983) | PG |
An action bio-pic about the start of the US space program and the test pilots trying to break the speed of sound. This has a lot of flight action, a lot of goofy shenanigans, a lot of shoe-horned classical music, an entire desperate housewives subplot, pretty much a whole lot of everything really, it's over three hours to be fair. Its few detractors over the years basically complain about historical inaccuracies, so don't expect a documentary, it's just fun America propaganda. And this was on the docket for tonight before I realized it's Father's Day and that we're watching one of the daddest movies ever.
Starring: Sam Shepard, Scott Glenn, Ed Harris, Dennis Quaid, Fred Ward, Barbara Hershey, Veronica Cartwright, Jeff Goldblum, Harry Shearer
June 16th
11:00pm | Looper (2012) | R |
There are three types of time travel movies - BttF style which focuses on the existential paradox, Primer style which considers the multi-verse paradox, and Looper... which is just so fucking rad you don't really care about the paradoxes. Joe is a hitman who offs dudes sent back in time by the mob until one day they send back Joe.. Yeah wrap your puny little past-brain around that. That's right, while you were reading this, it suddenly became the future! A little different than our usual, but it's perfect for the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: JGL, Bruce Willis, Emily Blunt, Paul Dano, Jeff Daniels
June 13th
9:30pm | The Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) | PG-13 |
The poster for this is perfect. It looks like they tried cramming in as many superheroes as possible like sardines with just dozens more raining down from above. If you can think of a Marvel character, they're in this somewhere! The titular Ultron didn't even make the main cram-jam! Look at 'em! all smashed in there like it's rush hour on the Tokyo subway. This movie's got more hot superstars than a South Korean boy band! There's probably some sorta plot too. I imagine it involves saving the world.
Starring: RDJ, Chris Evans, Hulk, Thor, Scarlett, Hawkeye, James Spader, SLJ, Don Cheadle, Wandavision, Paul Bettany, Cobie, Idris, Linda Cardellini, Stellan Skarsgard, and many more
June 12th
9:30pm | The Martian (2015) | PG-13 |
As you know, it's Martian Arts Monday once again!! Matt Damon is stuck on Mars! Oh no! He has to rely on his supplies and ingenuity to find a way to signal Earth and get a ride back. And something about poop potatoes I think. But when you think about it, aren't all potatoes poop potatoes? No? Martian ones for sure though. That place has like zero nutrients. BRING HIM HOME!
Starring: Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig, Kate Mara, Jeff Daniels, Sean Bean
June 11th
10:00pm | Housebound (2014) | NR |
Fun New Zealand horror-comedy about Kylie, a woman forced by the court to live under house arrest in her childhood home. Her mom thinks the place is haunted, and soon Kylie begins to wonder if it's true or she just inherited some of her mom's crazy. I love NZ humor. I know exactly zero kiwis, but I'm convinced they're all entirely incapable of taking anything seriously. Except sheep. Probably don't fuck with their sheep.
Starring: Morgan O'Reilly, Rima Te Wiata, Glen-Paul Waru, Cameron Rhodes
June 9th
11:00pm | Vicious Fun (2021) | NR |
Every single time I've tried typing this, it comes out "Viscous Fun," which is probably a vastly different movie. This one's about a horror film critic in the 80s who finds himself in the midst of a self-help group for serial killers. I love the premise. I love canadian horror. I love the 80s. VH1. Kurt Loder. Much Music... wait, what were we talking about? No worries, come have some good ol' viscous fun at the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Evan Marsh, Amber Goldfarb, Ari Millen, Julian Richings, David Koechner
June 6th
9:30pm | X-Men: Apocaplypse (2016) | PG-13 |
If I had a nickel for every time the world almost ended on a Tuesday around here... well, at least I'd be getting paid for this. Apocalypse is an Old God who just woke up from a nice couple thousand year nap to find the world all weird and gross and not worshippy and shit. Like, totally not how he left it. And as they do, he starts getting the band back together with some helpful new mutant groupies to take over the place. Well the X-Menses will have something to say about that. Are these the New Class? We're not in the 60s this time, right? Ahhh I dunno.
Starring: Good Smart Guy, Bad Smart Guy, Blue Girl, Blue Beast, Jean Grey, Laser Geordi, Angel Boy, and the rest
June 5th
10:00pm | Rocky III (1982) | PG |
Rocky battles retirement, the loss of his trainer, depression, and finally Mr. T. So a little bit of everything this round! Including a Hulk Hogan appearance as "Thunderlips". And keep an eye out for that ultra-80s sleeveless midriff on beefcake Carl Weathers. This one really stacks up the montages too, not just the imperative training one, so make sure you catch 'em all on Martial Arts Monday!
Starring: Rocky, Mrs. Rocky, Paulie, Apollo, Mr. T
June 4th
9:30pm | Shazam! (2019) | PG-13 |
I haven't seen this. Here are the things I know. This was made specifically to counter the Mandela Effect that Shaq was in a movie called Shazam in the 90s (which was actually Kazaam, and frickin' awesome). Asher Angel looks like Maise Williams' twin and I fully expect some black magic assassinry out of him. The premise of this is pretty much Big in the DC Universe. Stream-favorite Mark Strong is the villain. Let's see, what else. Oh, this isn't The Flash. Or the other Red Suit Lightning guy. But it has been described as kinda like a Deadpool for kids, so there's that. Anyway, it's a more light-hearted DC offering for some fun!
Starring: Zachary Levi, Mark Strong, Asher Angel, Jack Dylan Grazer, Adam Brody, Djimon Hounsou
June 2nd
11:00pm | House (1977) | NA (but really R) |
A group of girls take a trip to a secluded country home which turns out to be... kinda haunted. Now, if you've never heard of this film, I understand, although it is a pretty big influence in horror. If you're unfamiliar with Japanese horror-comedy, that's also fine, if you have an open mind. But if you're easily offended by floating, disembodied female body parts set to classical piano amid a post-war undercurrent narrative and downright bizarre gore set-pieces that'll make you question the sanity of the filmmakers and possibly yourself... well then maybe this isn't for you. But it certainly is for the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!!
Starring: Kimiko Ikegami, Miki Jinbo, Kumiko Oba, Ai Matsubara, Mieko Sato, Eriko Tanaka
