July 30th
10:00pm | Pitch Black (2000) | R |
I don't think I've seen this since it came out, but reading the storyline is pretty bonkers. This was based on a graphic novel, right? It's like Con Air, but in space, and instead of Las Vegas it's an uninhabitable desert wasteland with creepy flesh-eating monsters that only come out at night and... oh wait, is this Con Air?
Starring: Vin Diesel, Radha Mitchell, Cole Hauser, Keith David
July 28th
11:30pm | Deadstream (2022) | 16+ |
Good ol' fashioned haunted house time, friends! This is a fairly recent FF style movie that by all accounts I've heard is pretty damn good. And I'm not just saying that because it's about a disgraced livestreamer trying to win back his followers by spending the night in a spoop stoop... I've actually heard this is really good! There are stupider ways to make a living I suppose, but Content though.. think of the CONTENT! That's right, smash that bell, like and subscribe, and check out my Only Fans for the real scary stuff.... It's the Friday Night Midnight Movieeeee!!
Starring: Joseph Winter, Melanie Stone
July 25th
10:00pm | Taken 2 (2011) | PG-13 |
Taken 2: The Takening. Where all things taken must be retaken. I dunno, it's kinda like the first one, but his wife gets takenened instead. We're gonna see some exotic locales, some specific skills (spoiler: it's arm-breaking), and some beautiful people. What's not to love?? Take it all in! Take. In. Take'n.
Starring: Liam Neeson, Famke Janssen, Maggie Grace, Leland Orser
July 24th
10:00pm | Pirates: On Stranger Tides (2011) | PG-13 |
It's Maritime Arts Monday! That means more swashbuckling, more rum, and more fish-people than you can shake a sword at! But different fish-people now, and Penelope Cruz instead of Keira Knightley. Captain Jack Sparrow and Barbossa hunt for the Fountain of Youth in a race against Blackbeard and his daughter. This one's a little lighter on the sfx and back to concentrating on the characters more, which is maybe why some people didn't like it as much as the last two, but I think it's pretty great. There's some classic swordfights, some fun buffoonery, and a good story for all!
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush, Kevin McNally, Stephen Graham, Astrid Berges-Frisbey, Keith Richards
July 23rd
11:00pm | Point Break (1991) | R |
I rarely do this, but the IMDB plot summary is too great to ignore. "An F.B.I. Agent goes undercover to catch a gang of surfers who may be bank robbers." That's it! That's what we're dealing with here folks! No sense in padding it out, or waxing philosophical, this is bank-robbin' 90s surfers, and you'll pry the VHS from my cold, dead hands. But not before getting sucked in and realizing how empty your own life has been without it. IT's the Sunday Night Midnight Movie!
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, Gary Busey, Lori Petty, John C. McGinley, Anthony Kiedis
July 18th
10:00pm | Avengers: Endgame (2019) | PG-13 |
Well, we've come to the end of this here series. It's been a long and star-studded road. You'd think that Thanos snapping 1/2 of all humans would make a small dent in this roster, but damned if this Hollywood train will be slowed down! It might be easier to name people that aren't in this. Angela Bassett? No. She's in this. Marisa Tom - no she's Aunt May. The guy who played the kid in Insidious? Surely William Hurt and Michael Douglas aren't - hmmm... half the cast of Community?? Come on!
Starring: RDJ, The Chrises, Hulk Rufalo, ScarJo, ArrowMan, DC, BC, CB, Antguy, Zoe S, Elizabeth O, a Spidey, Frigga, Nebula, Wanda.... et al
July 17th
10:00pm | Total Recall (1990) | R |
It's Martian Arts Monday!! Arnie is a happy-go-lucky (albeit hulking) hubby who goes in for a routine digital vacation implant of a trip to Mars. But is his wife who she pretends to be? Is his life what he thinks it is?? This might be one of the greatest sci-fi action movies of all time, and that's even without acknowledging the triple-booba lady in the room we all remember fondly. Paul Verhoeven was on a helluva run around this time, possibly a very cocaine-fueled run, but that's just how great art was created in the 80s! Let's go to Mars! For real... but maybe not for real? But maybe for real?
Starring: Arnold, Sharon Stone, Michael Ironside, Rachel Ticotin, Ronny Cox, Hank,
July 16th
10:00pm | Murder on the Orient Express (2017) | PG-13 |
Classic Agatha Christie novel is given the Kenneth Branagh treatment in this whodunnit tale about a... well, murder on the Orient Express. Look I'm not here to hold your hand, I'm here to tell jokes and dance! You can throw all the food you want, I'm shovelin' that up after the show and makin' a nice hobo stew. You know that's right.
Everyone's a suspect on this train!! I'm looking at you Sussy McSusserton...
Starring: Kenneth Branagh, Penelope Cruz, Willem Dafoe, Dame Judi Dench, Daisy Ridley, Johnny depp, Leslie Odom Jr.
July 14th
11:00pm | Near Dark (1987) | R |
We've got an Aliens reunion movie, baby! In fact, James Cameron (or as I call him Jim) encouraged Kathryn Bigelow to cast the ready-made crew of Henriksen, Paxton, and Goldstein in this dark vampire classic. (Michael Biehn declined, in favor of Rampage, a super weird William Friedkin vampire drama that nobody remembers). This one though... hooooo boy! Great vampire violence, great sfx, great story, just an all around cult classic, and of course it's an '87! Check out the amazing posters for this on the TMDB link, so fucking rad. It's the goddamn Friday Night Midnight Movieeeee!!!
Starring: Adrian Pasdar, Jenny Wright, Lance Henriksen, Bill Paxton, Jenette Goldstein, Tim Thomerson
July 11th
10:00pm | Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) | PG-13 |
You know, I've never actually played a game of D&D in my entire life. Seems odd for a fella like me who's totally susceptible to the charms and addictions of such a hobby. Maybe if the players looked like every damn body in this movie... Who's to say? This is supposed to be great, defying all odds. I mean, the best example we had before was probably Knights of Badassdom, which is criminally underrated. I haven't seen the Warcraft movie, but it did alright. Of course the Community eps are both great... what do I do here? Oh synopsis. They're hot and they do D&D stuff!
Starring: Chris Pine, Michelle Rodriguez, Rege-Jean Page, Justice Smith, Hugh Grant, Sophia Lillis
July 10th
10:00pm | Sully (2016) | PG-13 |
It's Maritime Arts Monday!! Sully is about pilot Tom Hanks landing a passenger jet on the Hudson after he recklessly flew right into a bunch of geese. Maybe I'm paraphrasing. Maybe I'm spreading outright lies! Who knows until you watch this movie that lays out all the information for us in a courtroom style grilling of an actual american hero. Is IRL Sully a perfect dude? I dunno, probably not, but should we really be questioning a man so deeply that literally saved hundreds of lives by his quick-thinking and expertise in a highly specialized field? Again... I. Don't. Know. Let's watch and find out!
Starring: Tom Hanks, Aaron Eckhart, Laura Linney, Valerie Mahaffey, Skylar
July 9th
10:00pm | The Jerk (1979) | R |
Carl Reiner and Steve Martin, is there any greater pairing? Well, obviously there's Steve Martin Short, which is still an ongoing phenomenon that I'd love to catch someday. But this classic comedy has so many amazing and original bits, you might not even remember they're from it until you see it again and they all come together in a fantastic cat-juggling spectacle. Just whatever you do, stay away from these cans, he hates these cans!
Starring: Steve Martin, Bernadette Peters, Catlin Adams, Mabel King, Richard Ward, Bill Macy, M. Emmet Walsh, Jackie Mason
July 7th
11:00pm | The Meg (2018) | PG-13 |
This is a huge Hollywood-China "Meg"a-movie, and they were not trying to slip that by us. It's full to the brim of pandering characters, blockbuster cliches, and dialog/jokes with the depth of a bathtub, presumably to appeal at least a little bit in multiple languages. In short, it flopped on land here, but made a predictably enormous size of money overseas. I miss making shark puns when I used to make you guys watch them all the time. Anyway, since this movie is about a billionaire who funds a doomed underwater submersible mission in which its occupants are trapped at the bottom of the ocean... I kinda thought hmmm maybe this is in bad taste? But then I thought... naahhh it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Jason Statham, BingBing Li, Rainn Wilson, Cliff Curtis, Winston Chao, Page Kennedy, Ruby Rose, Masi Oka
July 4th
2:00pm | Fistful of Dollars (1964) | Few Dollars More (1965) | The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly (1966) | Django Unchained (2012) R |
Happy 4th of July! For our marathon today, we're gonna watch the Sergio Leone Trilogy. Well, it's not technically a trilogy, but traditionally considered one, kinda like how all radio stations know you can't just play We Will Rock You without playing We Are the Champions. Filmed in Spain on a shoestring budget, this series of films gave rise to young star Clint Eastwood and what became known as the Spaghetti Western, a genre that flipped the moral cowboy on its head and inspired generations of amazing filmmakers (one of whom we just might see later today..) Enjoy the hotdogs and fireworks and this classic set of cinema masterpieces! AMERICA! (...but spain)
Starring: Clint Eastwood, Gian Maria Volonte, Marianne Koch, Lee Van Cleef, Klaus Kinski, Aldo Sambrell, Eli Wallach, Benito Stefanelli
July 3rd
10:00pm | Ex Machina (2015) | R |
Alex Garland's directorial debut about a programmer who is selected to participate in the development of a humanoid AI. Why make her so damn hot you say? Well, I mean, just look at what Uncle Paulie did to his robot within like half a day! It's inevitable so I guess go ahead and make her Alicia Vikander right off the bat. Just don't feed her spinach like Haley Joel Osbot. We're making a robo-hottie here, not a face-melting Cronenborg.
Starring: Alicia Vikander, Domhnall Gleeson, Oscar Isaac, Sonoya Mizuno
July 2nd
10:00pm | The Northman (2022) | R |
Vikings. Am I right? You know the type, all broody and revengey and nordic. Well this guy's no different! He's gotta avenge his Father's death and save his kingdom, and he's gonna do it in brutal viking form. Along the way we'll also meet some new friends, like the witch Anya Taylor-Joy and Willem Dafool, and also Bjork is there, cuz why not. This is a Robert Eggers movie of The VVitch and The Lighthouse acclaim, so get ready to really smell medieval scandanavia.
Starring: Alexander Skarsgard, Nicole Kidman, Anya Taylor-Joy, Ethan Hawke, Claes Bang, Willem Dafoe
