Sep 29th
11:00pm | The Craft (1996) | R |
Awww yeah. If a movie could just BE the 90s, I think this qualifies. Four catholic schoolgirls practice witchcraft with increasing stakes against those that wrong them. I wonder if Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich made this during breaks on Scream? And speaking of breks, wasn't she also doing Party of Five with Breckin Meyer at the time? Is this the culmination of the Campbell Universe? Are you a goth... or a guy... or a girl... or shit man do I need to say it again? Four hot catholic schoolgirls practice magic in the 90s!! This movie is for everybody!! Sheesh! You know it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Robin Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, Rachel True, Skeet Ulrich, Christine Taylor, Breckin Meyer
Sep 26th
10:00pm | Bad Boys II (2003) | PG-13 |
We watched the first one in this series a while back. Cops. They do cop stuff. A lot has changed in 20 years though... mainly that we all have cameras in our pockets now. But, a lot has stayed the same too... unfortunately. There will be drugs! There will be Michael Bay explosions! There MIGHT be Slaps! We'll have to see! Whatcha gonna do?
Starring: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Gabrielle Union, Jordi Molla, Peter Stormare, Theresa Randle, Joey Pants, Michael Shannon, Henry Rollins
Sep 25th
10:00pm | War of the Worlds (2005) | PG-13 |
It's Martian Arts Monday! Are these aliens from Mars? I honestly think so, at least in the original H.G. Wells story. This is an updated movie version directed by Steven Spielberg though, so some things might've changed. Specifically, a whole helluva lot of Tom Cruise runnin' around. This might be his running-est movie of all. No that can't be right, gotta be one of those Impossible Missions... I seem to remember him literally running from a motorcycle. This has some social commentary and plenty of metaphor to go around if you're writing a film school paper, but otherwise enjoy the alien invasion!
Starring: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins, Miranda Otto
Sep 24th
10:00pm | The Hunger Games (2012) | PG-13 |
We were gonna watch a different movie tonight until I saw that it was the goddamn fullscreen version I got in the mystery bag from goodwill. Haven't we outlawed that nonsense by now? And by now, of course I mean 2005 when that movie came out. That's okay though, we've never started this series, probably because it's a big-budget, PG-13, hollywood knockoff of Battle Royale. But what do I know? Man, I'm really being negative tonight. What am I, bot? 4:3 aspect ratio just really makes me itch! Don't worry, I'll turn it around with some YA-level apocalypse dialog and a bunch of wine!
Starring: Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Stanley Tucci, Wes Bentley, Elizabeth Banks, Woody Harrelson
Sep 22nd
11:00pm | Daybreakers (2009) | R |
It's the year 2019, and a pandemic has rocked the world! Hmmmm. (Checks notes..) This is not a documentary I guess, but a vampire movie that flips the mythology a bit, where humans are the minority and actually in quite short supply. Cuz dem vamps be hungry hungry assholes, and our blood is like those sweet sweet colorful candy balls in Hungry Hungry Hippos, and they just can't resis- what? those weren't candy? You guys are full of it tonight! Of course, it's not like I ate a lot of them.. WHY DO THE HIPPOS GET TO EAT THEM ALL?? It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, Sam Neill, Harriet Minto-Day
Sep 19th
10:00pm | Ted 2 (2015) | R |
So you married a teddy bear, what's next? For Ted and Tami-Lynn who wanna have kids, you're gonna have to prove in court that you're a person. Clearly this is a legal job you're gonna want Captain Picard on your side for... hey look at that Patrick Stewart's in this! Is this that slippery slope I've been hearing about? Well, if a corporation is a person, then why not my Hatsune Miku dakimakura?? HMMMM??
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Jessica Barth, Giovanni Ribisi, Morgan Freeman, Michael Dorn, Patrick Warburton, Patrick Stewart
Sep 18th
10:00pm | The Great Wall (2016) | PG-13 |
I loved this massive East/West blockbuster conglomeration flop! You probably don't even remember it, it came and went so fast the Matt Damon ponytail late-night jokes lasted longer than this did at the box office. This is the first film of this scope filmed entirely in China, and no the white folks aren't playing asian roles. Although they do have ridiculous reasons for being there, something about black powder and the apparently only magnet in existence. Don't worry about it. This is actually about monsters! And keeping them out of China! Because fucking Tibet can build their own damn wall if they don't like these dragon-dinos around! And also there's like a bunch of pretty ladies bungie jumping with scarves off the wall to stab these things, cuz why not?? It's Martial Arts Monday!!
Starring: Matt Damon, Tian Jing, Willem Dafoe, Andy Lau, Pedro Pascal, Hanyu Zhang
Sep 17th
10:00pm | The Kid Detective (2020) | R |
Kid-detective Abe solves crimes around town from his treefort until he is disgraced by not finding his missing friend's kidnapper or murder or something. He grows up to be basically an alcoholic, adult version of the same kid detective solving trivial mysteries. Then a girl shows up and hands him his first real case. Hopefully this is a pretty light-hearted noir comedy/mystery, Adam Brody won't let me down!
Starring: Adam Brody, Kaitlyn Chalmers-Rizzato, Kaleb Horn, Wendy Crewson, Sophie Nelisse
Sep 15th
11:00pm | Terrifier 2 (2022) | NR |
First of all, fair warning, this is supposed to be one of the grossest horror movies of the last few years. I also haven't vetted it even a little bit, so we're all in for whatever ride this takes us on. I think it's a bit of the ol' Evil Dead playbook, where he made a decent horror movie, got a bigger budget, and basically remade the same movie as a sequel. It's a campy killer clown slasher gore-fest with apparently little-to-no plot, and I've heard both great and horrible things about it. I've been meaning to see it. And there's probably not a better time than the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!!
(Not rated, but not for under 18... you know what, not for anybody really, don't watch this filth, you degen.)
Starring: Lauren LaVera, David Howard Thornton, Elliot Fullam, Sarah Voigt, Amelia McLain
Sep 12th
10:00pm | 3:10 to Yuma (2007) | R |
This western from heavy-hitter director James Mangold (we've watched a few of his recently including Ford v Ferrari and Identity) is a remake of a classic from the 50s starring Glenn Ford. It's got more violence and technicolor though. No word on if there's any high-ranking Church offical's exorcism rituals in it. It's about a dude transporting another dude to a place so he can collect some money and prove himself a Dude to his ungrateful son... who's also a dude. Man, there's been a lot of testosterone in here lately. Even the chick was a dude the other night! I'm gonna have to spritz the channel down with some potpourri or something. I think I've got just the thing for tomorrow's new TV series!
Starring: Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, Ben Foster, Logan Lerman, Peter Fonda, Alan Tudyk, Gretchen Mol
Sep 11th
10:00pm | Black Sea (2014) | R |
If you're a retired veteran (or 30 year experienced professional forced to quit due to downsizing) submarine captain, by all means, nitpick this movie to the murky depths for all its apparent technical crimes against underwater sea folk and their amazing death tubes. But I doubt we have many of you. And if you're an accent expert, which we probably have more of, then okay go to town. But for the rest of us! This is an action adventure about recovering all that sweet sweet nazi gold at the bottom of the ocean where they definitely just left it. Yep. It's Maritime Arts Monday!!
Starring: Jude Law, Scoot McNairy, Ben Mendelsohn, David Threlfall
Sep 10th
10:00pm | Predestination (2014) | R |
Wooo! Another time travel movie I've never seen! Sometimes I think though, somebody is traveling through time and sneaking these bad boys into my timeline, cuz like, I've literally never even heard of this before today. Do you think that would be a good use of their resources as time travelers? Just fuckin' with me in particular? Well, as long as it keeps bringing us high-rated, time-wimey action-thriller films, I'm okay with it!
Starring: Ethan Hawke, Sarah Snook, Noah Taylor, Madeleine West, Christopher Kirby, Christopher Sommers
Sep 8th
11:00pm | The Pope's Exorcist (2023) | R |
The Pope, Russell Crowe, and Jesus walk into a bar. The Pope and Jesus order waters, and Russell Crowe orders a whiskey. When they go to cheers, Jesus turns their waters into wine. The Pope says, "Blessed are the righteous." And Jesus says, "Blessed are the sinners (looking at Russell Crowe)." And Russell Crowe says, "Water's on me, cunts. Blessed's the bloke whose bouyin' the next round!"
I dunno, I gave it a shot! It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!!
Starring: Russell Crowe, Daniel Zovatto, Alex Essoe, Franco Nero
Sep 4th
3:00pm | Jumanji (1995) (2005) (2017) (2019) | PG-13 |
Happy Labor Day! It's a holiday marathon! Spanning nearly three decades, this series is good ol' fashioned fun storytelling and adventure! We're gonna try to do all four movies (including Zathura, so if you need a break.. that's your chance, cuz the new movies are great if you haven't seen 'em!) while I cook way too much food for myself, and try not to cook myself in this heat. Hey, at least we're not in the jungle! But I could get stuck anywhere with Karen Gillan... although then a body swap happens and I start to feel weird... hmmmm...
Love all these movies, join for fun!!
Starring: Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst, Bonnie Hunt, Bradley Pierce, David Alan Grier, Dax Shepard, Josh Hutcherson, The Rock, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan, Jack Black, Rhys Darby, Nick Jonas
Sep 1st
11:00pm | Identity (2003) | R |
A modern classic murder mystery! 10 strangers stranded at a desolate motel in the middle of nowhere try to figure out who or what is killing them off one-by-one. This is a solid movie from James Mangold, tensions run high throughout with a nice twist at the end, so don't read up if you're a noob. Been on the list for a while waiting to find its place, which is clearly the Friday Night Midnight Movieeee!!
Starring: John Cusack, Ray Liotta, Amanda Peet, John Hawkes, Alfred Molina, Clea DuVall, John C. McGinley, Jake Busey, Rebecca De Mornay
