Jan 30th
12:00am | Warcraft (2016) | PG-13 |
While I was at the video store, I couldn't for the life of me remember the other movie Tabba redeemed. So I was just browsing and lo-and-behold, there it was! Now I've never played WoW, or seen this movie, but by all accounts it's a pretty darn good adaptation. Well, maybe not an adaptation. I imagine it's probably like a single story arc with characters from the game. Who knows. I know we're getting a second dose of Clancy Brown in as many nights though!
Starring: Travis Fimmel, Paula Patton, Ben Foster, Dominic Cooper, Clancy Brown
Jan 29th
11:00pm | John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023) | R |
No series makes me feel a certain way quite like John Wick. That way, of course, is I'm living in a shared house with several other bros and we have stolen street signs, movie posters tacked to the wall, a giant beer-amid that Cody will inevitably run through at some point, and furniture that is ever in peril of being burned in an entirely unsafe backyard bonfire. And you know what? That right there is a good feeling. It's Tabba's redeem, and a damn fine time!
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, George Georgiou, Lance Reddick, Clancy Brown, Ian McShane, Bill Skarsgard, Donnie Yen
Jan 28th
11:00pm | K-Pax (2001) | PG-13 |
Did we ever finish the alphabet? This one's been on the pile for a minute. Say what you will about Kevin Spacey being a monster, but is he an ALIEN??? Well, K-Pax isn't exactly going to answer that, more like raise some questions about its main character. Is he just a deranged mental patient, or actually a visitor from a far away star system just slummin' it around in Jeff Bridges' psychiatric facility for that super-real human experience of isolation and social denigration. Let's find out together!
Starring: Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges, Mary McCormack
Jan 26th
11:00pm | Fast X (2023) | PG-13 |
I got a hankerin' for some backyard BBQ and Coronas, with a side of international espionage and car-chasery! And you know what? FUCK PHYSICS TOO! You guys know what that means! It's time for the latest installment of the Fast Saga and all things Family. Didn't we go to space in the last one? Who knows what's in store, but one thing's for sure, it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie! Shift, damn you! SHIFT!
Starring: All the Family
Jan 23rd
12:30am | The Equalizer (2014) | R |
New series Tuesday! Well, new to me, apparently everybody has already seen this and loves it. I think I was busy watching Red, or Old Vegas, or The Intolerables or something... what was that one called? The Unstoppable Grumpy Old Men? Anyway, I liked them all. I suspect this one will suit me just fine! Denzel goes on a killing spree cuz some russian mobsters stole CGM and made her a puppet I think. Man, can we just like, dispatch Denzel in real life to deal with the kind of bullshit we have to these days?
Starring: Denzel Washington, Marton Csokas, Chloe Grace Moretz, David Harbour, Haley Bennett, Bill Pullman
Jan 21st
11:00pm | Alien: Covenant (2017) | R |
Is Ridley Scott going the way of George Lucas? I mean they seem to have some stuff in common, unable to resist creating infuriating, years-later prequels to their beloved franchises which are eventually gobbled up by The Mouse anyway. Maybe my brain isn't wrinkly enough for the Prometheus philosophizing, and I'd just prefer watching some chest-bursters, some gnarley phallic aliens, or having an orange cat be the true hero in a haunted house space movie. But from what I've read, this one tries to do a bit of everything, so let's check it out!
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Billy Crudup, Danny McBride
Jan 19th
12:30am | Santa Jaws (2018) | TV-PG |
Is it three weeks after Christmas? Sure. Do I still have a few stragglers left over from the Holiday Horror Nights sittin' in the fridge that are starting to give off a slightly sharp odor and need to be pushed onto an unsuspecting audience like Tuesday's fish? You know it! So sit back, relax, and enjoy this low-budget indie b-masterpiece that is exactly what it sets out to be. It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Reid Miller, Courtney Lauren Cummings
Jan 16th
10:00pm | Contact (1997) | PG |
SETI has been listening for potential radio signals from space for 60 years now, and the strongest to date is still the "Wow" signal of 1977. We haven't had much luck with radio anyway. But Dr. Ellie Arroway does in this Robert Zemeckis movie! It's grounded pretty well scientifically (having Carl Sagan as a consultant) for a solid portion of the film, then things get a bit bonkers, but who knows what these weirdo voyeur E.T.s stalking our radio frequencies will be like! Who had radioactive Mr. Burns? Anybody? "I bring you looovvve."
Starring: Jodie Foster, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Skerritt, John Hurt, Jena Malone, David Morse, William Fichtner
Jan 15th
10:00pm | Amelie (2001) | R |
It's the original manic pixie dreamgirl! Or I dunno, they've probably been around forever. She's cute and shy and so goddamn wholesome you'll wanna puke a rainbow. And if Audrey Tautou's character doesn't make you, then the cinematography will. Pop your good eyeballs in for this one, cuz the colors are so blindingly vibrant and delicious-looking you feel like you can reach into the screen and pluck 'em out like a bowl of Halloween candy. And it's also directed by our favorite frenchie filmmaker Jean-Pierre Jeunet!
Starring: Audrey Tautou, Mathieu Kassovitz Clotilde Mollet, Dominique Pinon
Jan 14th
11:00pm | Morgan (2013) | R |
Morgan is an AI robot with teen angst issues whose handlers clearly have no concept of the Three Laws. Are bots eventually, inevitably gonna stab us all in the eye either metaphorically or literally? Sure, yeah, of course. But dang, put at least a little effort in at the beginning. I blame emotional attachment. Unlike M3GAN's creators who knew and respected her roboticism (it was only the little kid who thought of M3GAN as real), these idiot-morons treat their creation like a real person from her start to their end.
Starring: Anya Taylor-Joy, Kate Mara, Rose Leslie, Michael Yare, Brian Cox, Paul Giamatti, Michelle Yeoh
Jan 9th
12:00am | Hanna (2011) | PG-13 |
Girl is brought up by her father in the woods to be the perfect assassin. Then she goes backpacking around Europe for a few years to really find who she is before university (as is tradition), except her backpack is filled with guns, passports, piano wire, and trip bombs and shit.. instead of beef jerky and a novelty map of the London Underground with tourist hotspots highlighted by Yum Brands fast food logos and about €26 to last the week until I can make it to a Western Union and call home. Meh, everybody's experience is different I guess.
Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Eric Bana, Cate Blanchett
Jan 7th
1:00am | Lucy (2014) | R |
We only use 10% of our brain... Yes, it's an idiotic, unscientific claim that somehow took hold in pop media and idiot morons spreading it around, and then became fact, except for people who actually study this stuff, so not fact at all...
Anyway, this is a really great and fun sci-fi movie if you're able to turn off your scientific self-righteousness... Where were you all when Back to the Future? Sheeeeeesh!
Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Choi Min-sik, Amr Waked, Lio Tipton
Jan 2nd
12:30pm | Mandy (2018) | R |
I don't exactly know what this is. It came during a bit of a Cage-Spree, so I missed it at the time. You know how sometimes you gotta gradually catch up to Cage. I mean, he could have done three more movies by the time I write this up. I kinda feel like the It Follows monster just steady tracking him while he does Loony Tunes cartwheels and Cage-stuff down the middle of the street, stopping not to catch his breath, but simply to taunt me until he takes off again to do more crazy shit. Well, this is apparently no different. A horrific tale of vengeance as Red Miller seeks to kill the dirty-hippie cult and demon-biker henchman that kidnap his beloved.
*Reaches for Cage... He disappears in a cartoon poof of smoke..*
Starring: Nic Cage, Andrea Riseborough
