February 28th
10:00pm | X-Men: First Class (2011), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) | PG-13 |
After careful consideration, we will NOT be following this series in any sort of logical order whatsoever, which I think is a loving meta tribute to the series itself which bounces around like toddler on so much cocaine. And it has nothing to do at all with the fact that I only realized the copy of The Last Stand I picked up was fullscreen after I got home. DamnYou. So this one is kinda like X-Men: Origins as we see how X and Magneto started the whole mutant club thing back in the 60s. But it's not that because X-Men Origins: {{ X-Man }} is a thing, but only ended up being the one thing ever, which we will watch on the back half of the double feature. Everybody with me??
Starring: James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, January Jones, Kevin Bacon, Huge Ackman, Ryan Reynolds, Liev Schreiber
February 27th
10:00pm | The Fighter (2010) | R |
The story of two boxing brothers and the town of Lowell, Mass. Older brother Dicky Ward guides the younger up-and-coming Micky, while dealing with his own drug problems. Wahlberg fought for years to get this made and took no salary, but it's the supporting cast that really make this one a winner. Get your wahlburgers made and your cry-towels ready, we're going deep on Martial Arts Monday!
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Melissa Leo
February 26th
10:00pm | Time Bandits (1981) | PG |
A kid gets caught up with a band of time traveling pirate dwarves who sail around time-space looking for treasure. This has all of Terry Gilliam's signature wackiness and imaginative production design you expect, a few of the Monty Python guys, Mishter Connery himself, and a story that's almost as hard to follow as Jabberwocky! It's quite the caper.
Starring: Sean Connery, Shelley Duvall, John Cleese, Katherine Helmond, Ian Holm, Michael Palin
February 24th
11:00pm | Get Out (2017) | R |
Jordan Peele's stunning directorial debut and foray into the horror genre was just what the stale reboot-laden hollywood scene needed. There's not much I'm gonna say about this in case it's anybody's first viewing. A black guy dating a white woman goes to meet her family for a weekend is about as far as I can go. By the way, if this is your first time, it is required viewing! Cuz it's awesome... And I love you... And I want what is best for you... And it's the Friday Night Midnight Movieeee!!!
Starring: Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Bradley Whitford, Catherine Keener, LaKeith Stanfield, Stephen Root
February 21st
10:00pm | Thor (2011) | PG-13 |
New Tuesday series! I thought about doing Thor 2 too, but something tells me 2 Thors is too much Thor. So we'll stretch it out a little bit. This is an odd series, huh? It starts out all serious and directed by Kenneth Branagh and stuff, and now ten years later it's like a full on comedy. Anyway, Thor is a God who gets kicked out of Asgard, probably for smoking pot in his room and failing his poli-sci community college classes Odin is paying for. So he goes to live amongst the normies on Earth and help them outta some jams. Yeah, you'll fit right in, Chris Hemsworth.
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings, Clarkk Gregg
February 20th
9:30pm | Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) | PG-13 |
Jack Sparrow has to be rescued from the land of the dead so he can help Will and Elizabeth fight Lord Beckett who controls Davy Jones' heart. And in order to do that they have to call upon the Pirate Lords from the four corners of the world. The Pirate Lords wanna release the goddess Calypso, Jones' ex gf, by combining the 9 pieces that bound her, in the hope she helps them fight Jones and Beckett and their amassed pirate posse. Got all that? Does that sound like something that might interest you? Well then join Maritime Arts Monday!!
Starring: Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Kiera Knightley, Geoffrey Rush, Bill Nighy, Stellan Skarsgard
February 19th
10:00pm | The Dark Crystal (1982) | PG |
This is a PG fantasy adventure movie that probably scared the shit out of you as a kid. Don't worry, you've turned that into a perfectly healthy mascot fetish and slightly lucrative blog, at least according to your anonymous Better Help tele-therapists. Good for me you! Now watch this movie about a gelfling that needs to find a shard of magic crystal in order to save his world. I gotta go tell Gritty to get his shoes off the bed. What is this, a circus?
Starring: Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Dave Goelz, Kathryn Mullen
February 17th
11:00pm | Sleepy Hollow (2009) | R |
Ichabod Crane is a man of science, albeit early, very stupid science, but he sure as shit doesn't believe in ghosts. So there's got to be a reasonable explanation for all these beheadings in Sleepy Hollow, aside from the local folklore of the Headless Horseman. Does he keep the heads? I can't remember. Like, is he trying to find a good fit for himself? This is peak Burton for atmosphere, sets, costumes, and stars. And presumably he hadn't met HBC yet, cuz you know he woulda rolled her wonderful stank all over every piece of this picture. Protect ya necks! It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Johhny Depp, Chris Ricci, Chris Walken, Chris Lee, Michael Gambon, Michael Gough, Lisa Michael, Marcle Pickering
February 14th
9:00pm | Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006), Furious 7 (2015) | PG-13 |
Happy Valentine's Day! Let's wreck some cars and drink some Rona's (in that order of course, celebrate the manliest holiday responsibly)! We last left off in Fast 6 with Sean Boswell wrecking Han's car, then Jason Statham showed up in the after-credit scene. So now we're gonna jump back a few movies and finally watch Tokyo Drift, where we meet some new characters with a new style of underground street racing. Then we come back to The Family in the States for Furious 7 where things start to get real wacky and Deckard Shaw enters the fray. Am I talking about a tank chase down the freeway type of wacky? Even wackier! Hold on to your butts!
Starring: Lucas Black, Zachery Ty Bryan, Bow Wow, Sung Kang, Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Rock, Statham, Michelle, Luda, Jordana
February 13th
10:00pm | Rush Hour (1998) | PG-13 |
Kung Fu Buddy Cop 90s Crossover! Lee is a serious investigator from Hong Kong sent to the US to rescue the Chinese Consulate's kidnapped daughter, but gets saddled with obnoxious Carter, who he basically tries to dodge the whole time. It's full of laughs and fun stunts and a weirdly 70s soundtrack. It's Martial Arts Monday!!
Starring: Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker
February 12th
10:00pm | Aquaman (2018) | PG-13 |
Remember a couple weeks ago when we watched The Shape of Water, and you were like, "Yeahhhh, fish fucking is cool and all, but I really prefer a big, burly, barrel-chested fish personally..." You don't remember that? Huh. Well, you guys were pretty adamant about having a fishman be like, super ripped and junk... Anyway! Here's that!
Starring: Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Willen Dafoe, Patrick Wilson, Nicole Kidman, Dolph Lundgren
February 10th
11:00pm | Mega Time Squad (2018) | PG-13 |
Kiwi Crime Caper Comedy! When John steals an ancient Chinese artifact from the local antique store, he realizes it has the power to send him back in time one minute. Using this, he creates multiple Johns in the hope of pulling off a major heist and scoring big time. This New Zealand stompabout isn't suuuuper concerned about your strict time travel paradoxes and rules, but feel free to point them out anyway. It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Anton Tennet, Jonny Brugh, Hetty Gaskell-Hahn, Charles Chan
February 9th
1:00am | R.I.P.D. (2013) | PG-13 |
Hey I found this dumb ripoff of Men in Black. Should we watch it? OF COURSE WE SHOULD! Ryan Reynolds gets killed in the line of duty, and gets a chance at I guess being a cop some more in the afterlife? Yeesh. Imagine having to just still keep going to your job even after you're dead. No thanks! Up or down, I'm gonna be relaxing in a hot lava tub with Jimmy Smits and Teddy Roosevelt.
Starring: RR, Jeff Bridges, Mary-Louise Parker, Kevin Bacon, James Hong
February 7th
9:00pm | Pacific Rim (2013), Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018) | PG-13 |
Giant Mechs vs Kaiju!! Not much else to say about this thoroughly enjoyable and unpretentious blockbuster from Guillermo del Toro. Except for maybe my shameless love of Rinko Kikuchi. I'll just go on about that for a few paragraphs... you guys go on ahead and watch the movies...
Starring: Idris Elba, Charlie Hunnam, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day, Ron Pearlman
February 6th
10:00pm | Creed (2015) | PG-13 |
Martial Arts Monday! Haven't seen any of this series yet. Apparently there's another new one coming out. This is about Rocky training Apollo's son to punch people hard and get punched hard. I don't think we've done any Rockies either.. Rockys? Rockieses? Anyway, this is Creeds. I dunno why, cuz his name is Adonis Johnson. Maybe he didn't take his dad's name cuz he was mad that he got himself punched to death by a Russian and wasn't there to raise him. Don't worry Rocky will be your father figure!
Starring: Michael B. Jordan, Sly Stallone, Tessa Thompson, Phylicia Rashad
February 5th
10:00pm | Labyrinth (1986) | PG |
I don't really have any jokes about this, it's just a really fucking awesome movie. This is pure storytelling and imagination in the hands of one of the greatest of our time, Jim Henson. The creature creations are all amazing from the different types of puppets to the costumed characters. The tone is whimsical and just creepy enough to really cement that nostalgia in our brains, I don't care how old you were the first time you saw it. Connelly and Bowie are both gorgeous but frenetic and eerily relaxed respectively. It's very much a coming-of-age fantasy with similarities to Alice in Wonderland. Basically everything about this makes it one of my favorite movies! And seriously, forget about the baby! I'm staying in this world.
Starring: Jennifer Connelly, David Bowie, Shari Weiser, Brian Henson, Frank Oz
February 4th
1:00am | National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002) | R |
Ryan Reynolds' break out role as the titular Van is the big man on campus, loved and admired by all (except the stuffy staff and his dad who thinks he's a loser.) This is certainly a familiar formula, the coed sex comedy with the lovable loser finally asking himself if he should be looking to settle down. But this one is a favorite of mine, maybe just for RR's character which would become pretty much every character of his. Also Tara Reid hasn't yet gone through some weird melty plastic surgery, and there's some really funny bits! Lotta gross-out stuff though too, so... ya know, don't plan on eating an eclair during this.
Starring: RR, Tara Reid, Kal Penn, Tech Holmes, Erik Estrada, Paul Gleason, Aaron Paul Bitch
February 3rd
11:00pm | Se7en (1995) | R |
Xxno chose this brutal murder mystery from David Fincher! Amazing film about a cat-and-mouse game between detectives, one grizzled the other green, and a very nasty serial killer whose murders seem to be following the seven deadly sins. I'll have peepos for all of them by the end I'm sure. True story, the other day on Duolingo I got the sentence, "What's in the box?" That's all. You all just did it too. Thanks Xxno! It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt, Kevin Spacey, Gwyneth Paltrow
