March 31st
11:00pm | The Menu (2022) | R |
A couple travels to a remote island resort to partake in a crazy-fancy dinner party at some weirdo's restaurant. What's the fanciest meal you've ever eaten? I ate out of the trash at The French Laundry once, but if you ask me it's way overrated, and apparently somewhere in California. It might've just been a french laundry now that I think about it. I managed to avoid any spoilers for this one, so I'm goin' in cold and clammy like gazpacho. But from what I do know, it's perfect for the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Anya Taylor-Joy, Nicholas Hoult, Hong Chau
March 28th
10:00pm | Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (2019) | PG-13 |
Ahh the spinoff that did what countless international crime syndicates could not and broke the Family. Vin is so pissed that the Rock got his own movie that he officially banned Rock from backyard BBQs, and can drink whatever he wants as long as it's NOT a corona. But like, the Rock has a bunch of his own movies.. "Yeah, but this is my thing." I imagine Vin saying, or something like that. Anyway, I still love 'em both. It's just gonna be an especially awkward and stare-y Thanksgiving this year. Grandma Mirren is gonna be like, "You boys better stop staring at each other across the table before you overcook my turkey."
Oh yeah, cars and guns and motorcycles and choppers go boom as well!
Starring: Rock, Statham, Elba, Vanessa Kirby, Helen Mirren, Eiza Gonzalez
March 27th
10:00pm | John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) | R |
Martial Arts Monday: The John Wickening - Part 2: This time it's actually Monday... and PERSONAL. Now we come to the part where John Wick shoots a bunch of people for not letting him and his pets be regular folk. Are there even any regular folk in this Wickiverse at all? Every damn Tom, Dick, and Henrietta is coming for my boy in this. Think you can trust the mailman? Nope, he's a hitman. Old lady pushing a baby carriage? Hitman. Marc Dacascos playing a character named Zero? Well, okay some are obviously hitmen... Did I have to look up the meaning of Parabellum because something wasn't quite right about my translation of "Get ready, cutie"? Of course not! Cuz I totally remember my latin roots, and that it's bellum,i for war... not bellus,a,um for pretty... dammit!
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Halle Berry, Ian McShane, Lance Reddick, Laurence Fishburne, Angelica Huston, Jason Mantzoukas
March 26th
9:00pm | John Wick (2014), John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017) | R |
I dunno if anybody beat me to it this weekend, but just in case! Ya boy is back in theatres with John Wick 4, and I can ONLY assume he's there for some wicked retaliatory violence against a secret society that just won't let him live his best John Wick life in peace. This is one of my all-time favorite action series. Something about the fight choreography and deliberate realism of Wick's hand-to-hand brutalization of baddies just changed action in a great way. It's also an example of quite possibly the simplist story (some dudes stole his dog and killed his car and he angry), that just opens up to one of the most insane world-building arcs you could imagine! It's fantastic. It's ultra-violent. It's a two day Martial Arts Monday Event!
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Michael Nyqvist, Alfie Allen, Willem Dafoe, John Leguizamo, Ian McShane, Lance Reddick, Bridget Moynahan, Ruby Rose, Common, Laurence Fishburne
March 24th
11:00pm | Demolition Man (1993) | R |
We all know this one! Simon Phoenix is an unfrozen criminal in the distant, non-violent future who escapes his parole hearing and runs amok on the happy-go-lucky civilians of San Angeles. The only way to stop him is to thaw out the meat-popcicle cop who bested him way back in the 1990s, John Spartan. This is absolutely packed with awesome action and jokes that just work so well (some even quite prophetic). Make a Taco Bell run while you can afford it, but be back in time for this classic Friday Night Midnight Movie!! It's gonna lick ass!
Starring: Sly Stallone, Weslie Snipes, Sandra Bullock
March 14th
10:00pm | The Fate of the Furious (2017) | PG-13 |
Fast 8: The One Where The Rock and Vin Diesel Famously had a Falling Out and Are No Longer Family. I think vin was mad about rock getting a spin-off, but whatever, you won't see them drinking Coronas together at any more Family BBQs. After Tokyo and Fast Se7en Much Furious, the timeline has been restored. Brian and Mia have retired to a beach community in Mexico (at least in my mind), Deckard and Hobbs are in jail causing ruckuses, and Ludacris is somehow a worldclass hacker now. Cars do acrobatics like they're Las Vegas circus performers, exotic locations and people get their camera-time, and what's that? Dom outruns a literal missile in a car... on ice? LESGO!
Starring: Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, Rock, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese, Charlize, Luda, Kurt Russell, Nathalie Emmanuel, Scott Eastwood
March 13th
10:30pm | The Big Short (2015) | R |
Money Monday!! Sorry for the late start, I was just moving all my liquid assets to offshore accounts in Belize. (Don't anybody look under my mattress, I said OFFSHORE ACCOUNTS IN BELIZE!) Soooo, real life bank run... wow. Crazy. This is about some investors taking advantage of the previous recession around 2006-2008. I haven't seen it yet, but it's supposed to be really good. Can somebody check on my Dogecoin? As long as that roughly $14 is safe I will sleep fine!
Starring: Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt
March 12th
10:00pm | Moneyball (2011) | PG-13 |
Well, I don't have Wall Street or The Big Short in light of recent banking news. But I do have Moneyball! And Opening Day is right around the corner, believe it or not (even if the weather seems to disagree)! This is the true story of how the world's hottest baseball manager and Jonah Hill changed the way baseball is played in the modern era. Using computer-assisted statistics and rote player characteristics, A's manager Billy Beane found a winning formula that would eventually go on to create AI art and steal creativity and sport, the only things we thought we'd retain in the robot takeover... I may have editorialized that last part. Play Ball!!
Starring: Brad Pitt, Robin Wright, Jonah Hill, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Chris Pratt, Stephen Bishop
March 10th
11:00pm | The Orphanage (2007) | R |
This is a classic ghost story in the truest sense. Rather than over-the-top gore and music score scares, this is a creeping dread type of scary. A woman brings her family to her childhood home only to soon learn that her son has a new imaginary friend. Produced by Guillermo del Toro, this highly acclaimed Spanish ghost story will be sure to haunt your dreams! So get comfy in your Caddy, and settle in with your candy... it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Belen Rueda, Fernando Cayo, Roger Princep, Mabel Rivera
March 7th
1:00am | Thor: The Dark World (2013) | PG-13 |
Thor II is all about Dark Elves and their sinister plans to do dark stuff. Thor is here though, with his trusty hammer, and Fabio-like cover poses, and biggo hemsworthian barrel chest. The first one was amazing! Let's see how this one does!
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Stellan Skarsgard, Anthony Hopkins
March 6th
10:00pm | Rocky (1976) | PG-13 |
It's the 45 year anniversary of Rocky! And goddamn is it still a banger! The writing in this is so real, and so perfect for all the characters. It really is one of the greatest movies ever made. Rocky's overconfident, boisterous attitude perfectly veils his insecurity. He's foiled beautifully by Talia Shire's mousy shyness. And the neighborhood itself really feels like a main character. Just a wonderful movie!
Starring: Sylvestor Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Burgess Meredith
March 5th
10:00pm | This is the End (2013) | R |
This meta celebrity free-for-all has just about everybody in it, and I don't know if there was even a real script or just cameras at an actual party at James Franco's house and a bunch of comedian friends hurling improv insults at each other. But there's the Apocalypse too, so I don't think that happened. Maybe. This choas did bring about one of my favorite lines, "Hermione stole all our shit!" Be ready for laughs, but don't come in clutchin' your pearls... this shit is raunchy!
Starring: James Franco, Johan Hill, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, Michael Cera, Emma Watson, et al
March 3rd
11:00pm | Mad God (2021) | NA |
You may not know Phil Tippett unless you're in the business or a practical effects nerd like me, but I assure you you're a fan of his work! Visual Effects Supervisor and all around revered guru Tippett has worked on the likes of Jurassic Park, Robocop, Willow, House, Indiana Jones, and Star Wars. He's spent the last 30 years putting together this project in his spare time. Mad God is an all-out special effects candystore of practicals, stop-motion, and puppetry combined into a bizarre dreamlike horror show. And that's important... cuz it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Alex Cox, Nikita Roman, Satish Ratakonda, Harper Taylor, Brynn Taylor
