Nov 28th
11:30pm | The Haunted Mansion (2023) | PG-13 |
This is a remake of the 2001 Eddie Murphy Haunted Mansion which is a movie version of the mouse ride. Kinda sorta. Or maybe this is a remake of the ride directly... I dunno. But I do know that theme park attraction is probably what started my lifelong love of horror movies. Shit was spooky. Well, this one is PG-13 and it has creepy Jared Leto in it, so there's definitely an opportunity for spookiness. Let's check it out!
Starring: LaKeith Stanfield, Owen Wilson, Rosario Dawson, Tiffany Haddish, Danny DeVito, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jared Leto
Nov 27th
10:00pm | CHiPs (2017) | R |
A surprisingly funny remake of the 70s TV show about the adventures of a couple California Highway Patrolmen. It's crude and there's boobs and dicks, but also some pretty great action scenes layered on top of the classic buddy-cop/vet-rookie formula. Does anybody know what the other letters in the acronym stand for? California Highway in Patrol servants? Idiot Savants? Whatever, this is your "C" movie.
Starring: Dax Shepard, Michael Pena, Vincent D'Onofrio, Rosa Salazar, Jessica McNamee, Adam Brody
Nov 26th
10:30pm | Birdbox (2018), The Babysitter (2017) | R |
It's "N" and chill time... if you know what I mean. You don't, and I'm old, and I should feel bad? Dang, my memes are dusty, but gimme a break, this alphabet thing is getting pretty tough, so I might need to take some creative liberties!
Two films tonight from the titan streaming service whose stock I should've sold years ago. First is one I haven't even seen the trailer of, but I think it's about not looking up or something? No spoilers.
Then one of my favorite recent indie horrors I didn't get a chance to show in October that is just plain fun, chock-full with beautiful people and ridiculous characters.
Starring: Sandra Bullock, Trevante Rhodes, John Malkovich, Sarah Paulson, Samara Weaving, Judah Lewis, Robbie Amell, Hana Mae Lee, Bella Thorne
Nov 23rd
6:00pm | Blade I, II, III | R |
Thanksgiving Blade Marathon!! I dunno why you guys want it, but here it is! Well, of course I do, Blade is awesome. Starting with a blood rave and going all the way through to Jessica Biel kicking ass in leather along with pre-Deadpool Ryan Reynolds basically being hot Deadpool. Hey it's a great series, you can't win 'em all... you either die a hero or live long enough to become a villain allergic to sunlight, or something.
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Stephen Dorff, Kris Kristofferson, Ron Perlman, Norman Reedus, Donnie Yen, Jessica Biel, Triple H, Ryan Reynolds, Parker Posey
Nov 20th
9:30pm | T2 Trainspotting (2017), Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) | R |
It's a heavy hitter double feature Mondaaay! Anybody care for a cup of "T"? I honestly don't know if I caught this Trainspotting sequel or not. I knew about it certainly well after it was made... which was 20 years after the original was made, but I can't remember if I've seen it. Well, we'll find out together!
And for the MAIN EVENT: In this corner... weighing in at whatever "mimetic polyalloy" weighs! The last cop you wanna see in your rearview mirror! ROBERT T-1000 PATRICK! And your unlikely hero... He wanted to kill you last match up... Now he wants to SAAAVE HUMANITY! It's THE TERMINATORRRR!! Let's fucking go, you guys.
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Ewen Bremner, Jonny Lee Miller, Robert Carlyle, Arnold, Linda Hamilton, Ed Furlong, Robert Patrick
Nov 19th
9:30pm | Dial M for Murder (1954), The Sixth Sense (1999) | PG-13 |
A meticulous and masterful mystery from Alfred Hitchcock starring the gorgeous Grace Kelly and served up in 3D! Do you need special glasses for this one or will they be provided at the drive-in? Nahh, you'll be fine, just pay attention to the dialog cuz this is a bottleneck movie in pretty much one location, and I know how you like to get a little handsy during these talkies, but I'm not that kinda girl, bub!
And yes it is an M Night, just in case you somehow haven't figured out what I'm doing lately, I'll just go ahead and make that obvious...
Starring: Ray Milland, Grace Kelly, Robert Cummings
Nov 17th
10:30pm | S.W.A.T. (2003) | PG-13 |
This is a movie about Sam Jackson putting together a motley S.W.A.T. team made of former and current S.W.A.T. members to prevent a ridiculous prison break plot by a vaguely eurotrash villain. There's disgraced S.W.A.T. member Jim Street. There's Lady S.W.A.T. Michelle Rodriguez. There's shirtless S.W.A.T. LL Cool Deke. And others! They all have cool S.W.A.T. names. And they do S.W.A.T. stuff, but not really, cuz keeping a prisoner IN jail isn't really S.W.A.T. territory last I checked. And they say S.W.A.T. a lot. You know what S.W.A.T. stands for? SWAT Weapons and Tactics. The name of this movie is S.W.A.T.
It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Colin Farrell, SLJ, Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, Jeremy Renner, Brian Van Holt, Olivier Martinez
Nov 14th
10:30pm | U-571 (2000) | PG-13 |
WWII submarining movie about American soldiers trying to capture the nazi's "enigma ciper machine" from a stranded U-boat. Are they disguised as nazis? Or just disguised as submariners? Cuz I'm not too clear from the description, but I don't think documentary-level realism is the biggest concern of this movie. It's an underwater action flick with subs and guns and covert missions and Bon Jovi's there for some reason. So pretty much exactly like my bathtime.
Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Bill Paxton, Harvey Keitel, Jon Bon Jovi
Nov 13th
11:00pm | L.A. Confidential (1997) | R |
This noir thriller takes place in 50s Los Angeles and centers on three very different cops working to solve a string of murders. It's an absolute masterpiece of crime and corruption storytelling in a super cool period and place where Kevin Spacey isn't the only Hollywood sleaze to be found.
Starring: Kevin Spacey, Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kim Basinger, Danny DeVito
Nov 12th
10:00pm | P2 (2007) | R |
This is about as bare-bones thriller as you can get. A woman is pursued by a psycho in a parking garage. But it works! The production team behind this, including Alexandre Aja, makes a really compelling suspense movie out of a really simple premise. So why can't huger productions with massive budgets and endless lore for content manage to do the same? I dunno, I'm just words on a page... And eyes without a face. And maybe I've been listening to too much 80s music.
Starring: Rachel Nichols, Wes Bentley, Simon Reynolds
Nov 10th
11:00pm | X (2022) | R |
This Ti West period horror takes place in the 70s when a group of amateur porn makers (pornotologists) attempt to covertly film a smut shoot at a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. The old owners wouldn't care much for that sorta thing if they found out it was a bit of a video nasty though... wouldn't care for that much at all. If you're here for the noods, just be aware... ya get the ones you want as well as the ones you very much don't.
It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Mia Goth, Jenna Ortega, Brittany Snow, Kid Cudi, Martin Henderson
Nov 7th
11:00pm | I, Robot (2004), World War Z (2013) | PG-13 |
Well this AI thing is really getting outta control, huh? Seemed like we had watched this Isaac Asimov adaptation more recently, but not according to my records. And we all know how accurate me and bot keep our data! Alex Proyas directed this thriller that's pretty true to the story while being a good modern update action flick. It features Will Smith runnin' around, not trustin' robits, blowin' stuff up... everything good and pure and entirely fantastical about the robot uprising, cuz we all know that complacency and convenience are the real paths toward broad acceptance of widespread surveilance society and an automated artistic expression culture. We all know that, right? Sorry, but the future is Wall-E, not Blade Runner.
Starring: Will Smith, Bridget Moynahan, Bruce Greenwood, Alan Tudyk, Chi McBride
Nov 5th
10:00pm | V for Vendetta (2005) | R |, Easy A (2010) | PG-13 |
In a fascist, dystopian future Britain, one man becomes a symbol of the rebellion, V. It's too bad League of Extraordinary Gentlemen sucked so bad Alan Moore refused to take credit for any film or TV adaptations of his work going forward. Cuz this movie pretty much kicks some serious ass. And to think, we've only gotten closer to this reality in the 20 years since it was made... actually don't think about that. I prefer you happy. Also, don't think of it as we lost an hour of daylight. Think of it as we GAINED an hour of cold, gloomy seasonal depression! I'm a terrible therapist.
Starring: Hugo Weaving, Natalie Portman, Rupert Graves, Stephen Rea, John Hurt
Nov 3rd
11:00pm | Highway to Hell (1991) | R |
It's time for our annual viewing of the most romantic road trip ever made... TO HELL! The entire Stiller family, with Ben in his best role ever! Gilbert Gottfried plays Hitler! Yes that's Chad Lowe, Rob's brother. The plot? Oh yeah, an eloping couple fall asleep on the road and the bride gets taken to Hell where Chad has to try and save her. Hey, it happens. It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Patrick Bergen, Chad Lowe, Kristy Swanson, Adam Storke, Gilbert Gottfried, Ben Stiller, Amy Stiller, Jerry Stiller, Richard Farnsworth
