December 30th
11:00pm | Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) | R |
RETRY! Ahhh Christmas traditions! We all have them. Like Miracle on 34th Steet is to boomers, or A Christmas Story is to TBS... around here we have murderous hordes of naked Finnish Santas hanging dong and rampaging the Scandinavian winter countryside. What can I say? It's tradition! And it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Jorma Tommila, Peeter Jackobi, Onni Tommila, Tommi Korpela
December 29th
1:00am | A Christmas Horror Story (2015) | R |
A wonderfully macabre anthology of interwoven Christmas terror tales! Super well-done, tropey in a fun way, and with a healthy dose of Canadian horror comedy. This one could easily become a holiday cult favorite!
Starring: William Shatner, George Buza, Rob Archer, Zoe De Grand Maison, Amy Forsyth
December 27th
1:00am | Clerks III (2022) | R |
Testing... New Internet, who dis? Randal and Dante attempt to make a movie about their days at the Quick Stop. It's bound to be meta as hell and full of Kevin Smith inside jokes! And probably roof hockey. Definitely roof hockey.
Starring: Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith
December 22nd
9:00pm | The Lodge (2019) | R |
Kicking off Holiday Horror Nights with this slow-burn, moody psych-thriller. I don't know anything about it more than what the admittedly stupid premise tells me. A guy leaves his two kids alone in an isolated, snowed-in lodge in the woods with his new girlfriend (a surviving cult member with surely no trauma) just a few months after his wife killed herself because of the affair... so he can run a work errand. Aside from that, take a look at the facinating cast here. Riley Keough's real dad plays her movie dad. Richard played by Richard. And the two kids have strangely similar names, Mia and Aiden, to their given juicer monikers. Meh, let's give a go!
Starring: Riley Keough, Jaeden Martell, Lia McHugh, Richard Armitage, Alicia Silverstone
December 19th
8:30pm | Jungle Cruise (2021) | PG-13 |
Maritime Monday sails on! This time through the perilous old-timey Amazon jungle with English plant doctor Blunt and wise-cracking riverboat skipper The Rock. Adventures and animals and action await! And no need to buy a fast pass either just step on aboard! (No mice allowed. Keep hands and feet inside the boat at all times. Not responsible for unsecured items or lost articles of clothing due to wind and/or sexiness of main characters.)
Starring: Rock, Emily Blunt, Edgar Ramirez, Jesse Plemons, Paul Giamatti
December 18th
10:00pm | Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping (2016) | PG-13 |
A former boy band member struggles to maintain his celebrity amidst the trials and tribulations of the ultra-rich. If you have never even heard of this, that's okay, but you're gonna want to trust me here, this movie is fucking hilarious! It's like if the Lonely Island made a feature length movie... oh wait, that's exactly what this is. I promise you it will not disappoint!
Starring: Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, Akiva Schaffer, Sarah Silverman, Tim Meadows, Maya Rudolph, Joan Cusack, Imogen Poots
December 17th
11:30pm | Catch Me If You Can (2002) | PG-13 |
A young and charismatic con man lies and forges his way through life, pretending at times to be a pilot, doctor, and anything else that basically he fancies at any given moment. This is based on a true story of Frank Abagnale Jr. He's the living embodiment of the "act like you belong" mantra. And goddamn if I don't wanna be him so bad! Leo is perfect, and Hanks is wonderful as usual in the cat role of detective always just a few steps behind the mouse. And with Spielberg behind the wheel, it's a damn near perfect film!
Starring: Leo, Tom, CW, Martin Sheen, Amy Adams, Elizabeth Banks, James Brolin
December 16th
1:00am | Green Room (2015) | R |
An indie band strays into a bit of the more "rural" PNW, which in case you didn't know, isn't exactly the bastion of tolerance that places like Seattle and Portland are known for. It's actually quite... nazi-y. Well, they decide to play their gig anyway at this questionable dive venue, and lo and behold, it is just crawling with white supremacists. Bad things go down at this concert... REALLY bad things. This is a phenomenal indie thriller, and even if you don't trust me, are you gonna take a pass on seeing Sir Patrick play a nazi? I don't so. But I do think it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Anton Yelchin, Imogen Poots, Alia Shawkat, Patrick Stewart
December 14th
11:00pm | Ash vs Evil Dead s3.5 (2015) | TV-MA |
We're finishing up the series tonight! 5 eps left, starting... I'm not exactly sure, as soon as I get home, shower, and have a cup of wine. Who has the book now? Xena? Pablo? Some randos in Michigan? The CAR??
Starring: BC, Lucy Lawless, Ray Santiago, Dana DeLorenzo
December 13th
1:00am | Resident Evil: Extinction (2007) | R |
The Desert One! Clone Alices, swarms of zombie birds, the sand has taken back Vegas, Dr. Wiggly Arms and the quest to steal Alice's blood while somehow keeping sand out of all these electronics in the desert... It's good fun!
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Oded Fehr, Iain Glen, Spencer Locke, Mike Epps
December 12th
9:00pm | Captain Phillips (2013) | PG-13 |
Maritime Arts Monday is back! Everyone's favorite transportation specialist, Tom Hanks, plays the captain of the Maersk Alabama, the first American cargo ship to be hijacked in 200 years. But how long will he retain his title when boarded by real-ass modern pirates? Well not for long if Somali Captain Muse has anything to say about it. And he might. Based on the true story and in the hands of action director Paul Greengrass, this is a high-seas taut thriller!
Starring: Tom Hanks, Barkhad Abdi, Barkhad Abdirahman, Catherine Keener
December 11th
10:00pm | Freaky (2020) | R |
A comedy-horror take on the classic body swap (a la Freaky Friday hehe) trope. A high school girl finds herself swapped with a vicious serial killer and only has 24 hours to figure out a cure or it becomes permanent. This looks like a lot of fun with some crazy kills and Vince Vaughn doing an impression of an acting class warmup exercise I'm sure. And there's nothing freakier than drama students!
Starring: Kathryn Newton, Vince Vaughn
December 10th
9:00pm | Blade Runner 2049 (2017) | R |
Highly acclaimed future noir sequel to Ridley Scott's 1982 sci-fi juggernaut is helmed this time by Denis Villeneuve. Seriously, can this guy even make a mediocre movie? I haven't seen Dune yet, but I'm gonna guess that it's amazing too. Here we have a young blade runner detective trying to track down old blade runner Rick Deckard, who has been missing for thirty years since the events of the first film. Will we finally find out whether or not androids dream of electric sheep? Nah, that's like rhetorical. The real question is, why aren't they counting them to get to sleep?
Starring: Harrison Ford, Ryan Gosling, Ana de Armas, Dave Bautista, Robin Wright
December 9th
11:00pm | Frankenhooker (1990) | R |
This is one of my all-time favorite schlock movies of the late 80s horror drive-in style. If you prefer the era of dirty, gritty, prostitute and pornhouse heavy New York cityscape of sex, drugs and rock & roll over the modern and sterile Times Square filled with Starbucks and Elmos scamming tourists for $10 photos... this is the movie for you! And if you love Frank Henenlotter, Frankenstein, or frankly, hookers with a heart of gold, this is the movie for you! Really it's a love story. I guess what I'm saying is it's the Friday Night Midnight Movie, and it's for you!!!
Starring: James Lorinz, Parry Mullen, C.K. Steefel, Helmar Augustus Cooper
December 6th
9:00pm | Fast & Furious (2009), Fast 5 (2011) | PG-13 |
I've done extensive research on this, and I swear this time there really is solid reasoning to the weird order we're going in! We will come back to Tokyo Drift, don't worry! But tonight, it's Fast and Furious... not to be confused with The Fast and the Furious. Yes, this is somewhat of a reboot of the franchise. Yes it starts really spinning out of control around here, even after 2F2F was an episode of Miami Vice. And yes, it is about Family! Grab yourself any beer, as long as it's a Corona.. we gotta go fast!
Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Gal Gadot
December 4th
10:00pm | X-Men (2000), X2 (2003) | PG-13 |
Your input is welcome on what we should watch or skip in it, but we're gonna go ahead and get this series into the lineup starting with ol' number one. Some might say it ushered in the modern superhero movie era. Am I saying that? Well I'm the only one here. Watch as we're introduced to Patrick Stewart's Professor X, Hugh Jackman's epic mutton chops, and Rebecca Romijn runs around on the walls in bodypaint. It's an amazing standalone action movie, and a great start to bringing one of the biggest comic franchises to the big screen!
Starring: Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Famke Janssen, James Marsden, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Rebecca Romijn
December 3rd
11:00pm | Bullet Train (2022) | R |
A bunch of assassins are all on board a shinkansen barrelling through Japan, each on their own missions. R-rated hijinks and shenanigans result as they overlap each other. Won't somebody think of poor Brad in his fishing hat! Oh and Hiro is in it, and Kimiko. A lot of people are in this!
Starring: Brad Pitt, Joey King, A-Aron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Michael Shannon, Sandra Bullock
December 2nd
11:00pm | Prisoners of the Ghostland (2021) | NR |
We've watched some strange Cage lately, but this one is bound to take the cake. A surreal mix of Sci-fi/Western/Kabuki/Post-apocalypse/Samurai-sploitation, with a bare-bones plot, Mad Max setting, some of the stupidest dialog imaginable, and even more production companies than genres... this film from Japanese shock director Sion Sono is beyond explanation. Basically though, a notorious criminal is released on the condition he finds and returns the old-timey western mayor-villain's granddaughter while being strapped into a leather suit that will self-destruct in three days. But don't worry too much about the story... it doesn't make any fucking sense. It's the Friday Night Midnight Movie!!
Starring: Nic Cage, Sofia Boutella, Bill Moseley, Nick Cassavetes
December 1st
10:00pm | 1408 (2007) | PG-13 |
A paranormal investigator/skeptic checks into room 1408 in the infamous Dolphin Hotel, which is supposedly haunted by more than just bed bugs. Will he be able to debunk this venue like he has so many before? Or will the bumps in the night make him a believer? Spooky, above average classic ghost story material!
Starring: John Cusack, Sam Jackson, Mary McCormack, Tony Shalhoub
